Stay Connected
Don't leave just yet. Besides these articles, sometimes I send out extra special stuff. Don't miss out. Sign up here.
My fiance and I are looking for books to read as we prepare for marriage. Do you know of anything that isn’t completely based on the man being the leader and the wife being submissive? We believe in mutual submission and love and it’s hard to find any good resources out there.
I really want to get at the heart of your question: what is mutual submission and why are these words in the Bible like the “husband is the head” and “wife is to submit,” and does anyone really care about this stuff anymore?
Do you think our generation ignores what scripture has to say on the topic of submission? Why?
Do you think God’s commands are there to help us?
Stay tuned for more submission talk in Part 2 and Part 3…
Stay Connected
Don't leave just yet. Besides these articles, sometimes I send out extra special stuff. Don't miss out. Sign up here.
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
@Aron, You will thoroughly enjoy the DVD-Movie set. My father is an excellent communicator and my mom has great insight and wisdom to share. Enjoy and thanks for the kind words!
And I love Dave Ramsey! His daughter Rachel and I have very similar passions to take the messages of our fathers to this generation. Good suggestions.
Shane and I actually just got into THREE DAY long discussion/argument about what exactly “head of household” means in this day and age and more importantly, what it looks like in our marriage. SO. COMPLICATED. We’ve reached a good mutual understanding, but I’m really looking forward to hearing your thoughts in the next video 🙂
Joy I am so excited that you are addressing this, because it is something that we avoid and as a freshman in college I am meeting a whole new group of girls who have the exact opposite view from mine on the idea of marriage, taking the mans name, the religious aspect of marriage and the “wife is to submit”. I am very interested in what you have to say just for a point of reference or another point of view.
Do we ignore what the scriptures say on the topic? I think absolutely! I think we’ve turned it into a political topic and nothing gets more people heated up on a topic than the politics of something. We’ve totally gone away from it being a spiritual matter. Politically we see submission as a sort of oppression when spiritually it’s a form of love and respect.
Do I think God’s commands are there to help us? Absolutely. Do I think they’re easy to follow? Absolutely not. Do I believe I’ll ever get it completely right? No way. Just thankful for grace and hope that it flows over into every relationship 🙂
Great video. Can’t wait for parts 2 & 3!
I’m so grateful and pleased to see this topic addressed in a generation that’s behind me, but probably not really a full generation behind me. I don’t think it’s just the newest adult generation who struggles with this. Our culture’s feminist perspective has fought the idea of submission since its inception. We have emasculated men to such an extent that they (not all) don’t see the need for ambition b/c their wives will work to, so they can afford to take it easy a little. (I actually read this in an issue of Men’s Health a few years back!) They assume that they won’t be the sole provider for their homes, so why put all that pressure on themselves? Again, not all men are like this, but I do think it is a growing trend of attitude.
As far as submission equalling weakness is concerned, let me tell you from experience that it is anything but. I’ve been married 25 years. Most of that time I would have quickly said that I was a gladly submissive wife. My husband and I got along well and rarely disagreed about anything of any importance. Then we disagreed about something incredibly important that impacts our family in an ongoing way. And we still disagree. We agree on the desired outcome, but we’re miles apart on the process. This has been a point of difficulty for close to 5 years now. CHOOSING to submit to his authority in our home felt risky and scary to me because of the weight of the issue. I have doggedly, determinedly chosen to submit to him and his decisions in this matter, especially in the last 3 years. It may look like weakness to others, looking from the outside in, but trust me, it is the HARDEST thing I have ever done in.my.life!
It is a choice to obey and submit to Christ, first of all. I have to trust Him, His design for marriage, and His ability to control the outcome. I’m accountable to submit. My husband is accountable for the decisions he’s made. There is rest and freedom in that. But it is,not.easy. and it is.not.weakness.
I applaud you Joy for being willing to flesh out the subject of mutual submission. In response to your first question, I would say starting from the garden of Eden every generation has missed the mark when it comes to submission. Why? Because it rubs our fleshy desires raw! We all need training and refining in it. Willful ignorance on the subject seems to be aggravated by the lack of comprehensive training on the subject. Both men and women are called to submission. Scriptures confirm that submission is demonstrated by the Godhead first. Submission is a choice of the heart that grows in believers. Evidence of submission is reflected in our civic, work, church, family relationships and most especially in our relationship with the Lord! I have found sifting out the differences between worldly vs. godly submission helps to create a willingness to walk in it. Scriptures clarify how to operate in submission when there are conflicts, not only in personal relationships but at a civic level too.
God’s commands to me are a covering…a protection… an opportunity to demonstrate my adoration and love toward Him. And thankfully, like His word teaches, His commands are not burdensome..1 John 5:1-3.
@lisa, Good point and I think it’s important to remember that this command is only for believers. I think it’s a posture and an attitude that will bring power to any couple, but it can’t be done in full confidence and freedom if both aren’t first and foremost submitted to obeying Christ.
Aron thinks...
I am totally stoked you are attacking this with a series Joy; thank you!
This is a big issue now a days. As the “Family Unit” is being attacked on many fronts; not just as the Man being the Head, but also as the woman being a submissive Helpmate. Society is telling us left and right that “We can and should do what we want, when we want, because we want.” If our needs are not being met, just leave, make your own decisions for what you are entitled to.
I love how you put it in context of “Mutual Submission” as we both have needs. As I have not yet read Love & Respect yet, I am wondering if I have missed anything because “I just bought the DVD movie set,” perhaps I should get the book and read it.
It is so important for mutual submission; his job isn’t this nor is her job that. Now we do “work better” in different situations and at different jobs. As an example, all my whites, colors, jeans, and sheets go into the same wash on the same cold/cold setting; why, because when I was growing up on a farm, our washer was an open top one with a roller, no different selections there. I still don’t know what that ‘Delicate’ setting is used for, but I am sure a future wife will help me to understand it. In the same way, I wouldn’t expect my wife to crawl under the truck and change the oil in it. Yes it is wonderful when you can mutually help each other in ‘Living Life and Serving God and Each Other’ together. I so can’t wait for the days!
God’s commands are always there for our good; we may not understand it when we are fighting in the trenches and it may not be “what we want” however, we are told numerous times God loves us and wants what is good for us.
After Love & Respect I would suggest ‘My Total Money Makeover’ or attend ‘Financial Peace University.’
| at |