Dear Joy,
I know I can do all of these romantic things, like take a girl out to a nice dinner and a movie, or a long walk on the beach at sunset, or cook for her, but…
…what actually adds the romance?
Sam
You’re right, Sam, it’s not the thing that does it…
Why do we default to “formulas” or “how to’s” when it comes to romantic gestures?
What is a romantic gesture that you’ve given or received that was unique to you or the person you were dating? (something that might not appear in a Hallmark card or romantic comedy)
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
@Abby, Um…I’m sorry but that is absolutely adorable. Does he have a brother?
@JOY, sorry, no brother. The funny thing is, he doesn’t think he’s creative or good at gift-giving. That’s probably a good romance lesson for all of us: If you’re in a relationship and don’t think you’re good at romance, try anyway. You may be surprised.
every man ever should watch this. even if he has to be strapped down…
@sharideth smith, ill get the duct tape. or is duck tape? I always question myself and am too lazy to google.
@JOY, Quack quack.
Hey Joy!
Thanks for this post, its really helpful, as a newly dating dude, to really learn how to get to know and love my girlfriend better… so yeah thanks!
– Jeremiah
P.S. I’ve never seen Die Hard 3… gasp!
@Jeremiah Dowling, me either!! But I want to have a marathon. This was a “throw back” to a video from a few weeks ago. https://loveandrespectnow.com/2012/03/submission-series-part-2-fear-misunderstanding/
Glad you enjoyed the post! Have fun in this new relationship.
@JOY, Yeah I should watch them all too! Cause I’ve not seen any of them haha… and oh I see how how that fits in! haha… I should really keep up with these posts better… i really appreciate the things you are doing! Ciao…
Thank you for this video and post, you always leave me some food for thought.
Sometimes I think we default to the formula romantic gestures because we either don’t know what the other person views as romantic. Or we have just been programed by the media to have a closed off view of what is “Romantic.” (i.e., roses and chocolate)
Thanks for the note about continuing to pursue your wife after marriage! Great thoughts, Joy.
One time during a long, late (late) night drive home, we stopped at a gas station to use the washroom. When I came out, he had bought me a bag of popcorn “just because”. The sweetest.
Great, great, great video, Joy! One of my favorite dates of all time was a day at 6 Flags (I <3 rollercoasters) capped with nose-bleed seats at a Rangers' game.
The most romantic things to me are the things that:
1) prove he is really paying attention to even the smallest details of what I say or do
2) relieve a burden I’m struggling under so that I can be freed up to be my lighter, happier, more natural self (which is more romantic)
3) show specific support of me in regards to whatever I’m aspiring to do/be, whether I’ve reached that goal yet or not, so that I know he believes I’m capable of achieving it someday.
4) show me that he truly doesn’t love anybody more than me. That he could possibly live without me, but he wouldn’t want to.
For example:
1) Buying me a gift that is based on a story I once told or something I pointed to in a store ages ago, that I myself have forgotten about. My boyfriend once bought me an electric blanket; not that I needed or wanted one, I certainly didn’t ask for one, but one time I had told a story about how I had one as a kid and really liked it, but when my mom learned that pets sleeping on top of the wires was tending to cause house fires, she took it away. I don’t even know why I told that random story, but on my next birthday he gave me an electric blanket. He was filling a hole from my childhood. OMG!!!! The fact that he noticed AND remembered AND acted on it, shows me that he loves and respects me so highly that even my little, un-important stuff is still more important to him than other people’s important stuff. I feel extremely loved and special, so in gratitude I want to return the love. (BTW, seven years later, I’m still using the blanket.)
2) I once dated a guy I met through an online service who lived hundreds of miles away. After months of communicating at a distance, we finally got to have a first date face-to-face. He showed up at my door with 3 gifts: flowers, a journal in a design I would like, and a Dustbuster handheld vacuum. I was most excited about the vacuum, because I needed one so badly and it was relieving an undue housecleaning burden I expressed frustration with but never had to ask help with. He heard my frustration and solved it; quicker cleaning meant more time to spend having fun with him, and being fun was what I really wanted to be.
3) A boyfriend once gave me office supplies, which was very romantic because I was working on putting together a proposal presentation that I cared very much about and had been working really hard on. By purchasing those supplies for my presentation, as a surprise, he showed me that he knew how I felt about it, agreed that it was worth the effort, and wanted to see me succeed. He probably didn’t spend more than $15, but I felt like a million because of it. He didn’t just get office supplies, he “got me.”
4) A long distance relationship once put my guy and I literally on opposite sides of the planet, making our relationship and timing phone calls very challenging. Our relationship was reluctantly open, and he was candid with me about the other girls in his life. Which, of course, I hated. But one time as the wee hours wore on him and he started to fall asleep right on the phone, the half-conscious honesty of his pillow talk muttered the words, “My spirit is lonely.” I spent nearly an hour listening to him sleep long-distance, muffling my cries for him, for us, for his situation and our situation. What was going on over there may not have felt loving toward me, but that whispered disclosure let me know where I truly stood in his heart. My forgiveness hinged on that one little statement.
Abby thinks...
My random, non-Hallmark-y gesture: I once told my boyfriend my ideal superpower would involve throwing ping-pong balls at people. Months later, he brought me half a package of ping-pong balls. He explained he put the other three in his apartment, car, and office “to remind me of you… Not that I really need a reminder. And since you already have my attention, you can use these for someone else.” (You can read the whole story here http://stairstories.com/2012/03/30/ping-pong-ball-sweetness, but that’s the gist.)
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