Today’s question actually comes from a guy named Paul, who I like to call “Sweet Paul.”
Paul wrote and said, “Hey, Joy, if you’re such an expert on relationships and marriage, why is it that you’re still not married?”
I want to be open and honest with everyone about why I’m not married. I don’t mean to blame my brother, Jonathan, but it is his fault…
How do you respond internally to the question of why you are still single?
Is the lack of “expert” in your title holding you back from pursuing something you’re passionate about?
What are some areas that people have poured into your life that you could turn around and pour into others’?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
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@katie, ahh! That’s the problem. I’m currently only at 3 inches.
@JOY, I am sorry Joy, but my perspective of you just changed.
Paul, there are things one should avoid saying to those who are single: http://www.danoah.com/2011/06/things-you-should-never-say-to-single.html
Just like a woman who strives to be a mother being dejected on “mother’s day”, one should be sensitive to the wounds that cannot be hidden. Joy is mature enough to give grace when blatantly offended, but we should not abuse her maturity / grace.
Rebuke for Paul. Edification for Joy who serves God’s will while struggling with expectations unmet.
@ron, Thanks sir. (-:
THAT was AWESOME!!! Thanks for sharing.
@Alecia, Anytime! (Well, anytime there is a video camera and a question…)
being married doesn’t make one an expert in relationships…. plenty of single people have loads of excellent advice for dating/married people 🙂 And vice versa! Married people weren’t always married, folks!
@Beth Hynes, yes! I love the last paragraph by Lewis in this excerpt he wrote on love. https://loveandrespectnow.com/2011/08/c-s-lewis-on-love/
you’re a blessing to many of us joy! the love and respect ministry and love and respect now ministry is a great blessing to many of us!
@faith, thank you lady!
Joy, you make me chuckle because I love how you respond to negative questions. Good answer.
@Ashley@ Stay-At-Home Daughter, Always more fun to keep it light! Otherwise I might punch someone.
Wiki.Answers.com indicates: Among the Gulf Countries “(GCC Countries are Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emarites, Kuwait, Bahrain, Qatar, and Oman) A camel can cost up to 20 million dollar or may be more..that depends on the camel. Some others may cost way less than that..20,000 USD or some.. it just depend on the camel look and other things pro knows. ”
The Jordanian Camel man recognizes the value Joy brings by offering such a remarkable dowry. I wonder why sweet Paul has been unable to discern that?
In any case, Joy you handled the question very respectfully w/out forsaking your humor. I appreciate your “futuristic” gifting (Strength Finder post)and raising the trajectory standard for your generation! I applaud your wise response to the blessings you are steeped in. You’re awesome..keep doing what you do. I love being able to encourage the single people I know with the quality substance you bring on a daily/weekly basis! Rock on my dear!
@lisa, haha – I think this might be my favorite comment so far. I did NOT know the value of camels these days so this makes me feel way more loved. Appreciate your encouragement Lisa and for being part of this movement with me.
Joy you are awesome. I loved this post. I would take marriage advice from you any day 🙂
@Christie Saunders, And I’ll take parenting advice from you. I have seven kids I haven’t told anyone about.
@JOY, hahahahaha i don’t know why but that cracked me up
As always, Joy, you are a class act. I appreciate your humor and honesty in tackling this question. Your confidence and maturity are inspiring to young women like myself! 🙂
@Kim, you honor me with your words! I do pray I can be a voice that honors the Lord and helps us all be accountable to one another to choose the mature route. I don’t always practice what I preach but I think as long as we are all trying we can truly make a huge change!
Hey Joy – Just wanted to say great post! REALLY love you addressing this topic. I am 31 and single as well. I have only dated a couple of times seriously, and it’s only natural to sometimes doubt yourself, your appeal, God’s plans, etc. etc. I would love to be married, it’s not an avoidance thing at all, and dealing with my personal wishes vs. what I perceive to be God’s timing can be tough sometimes. But I like your perspective and think it was cool that you would talk about this. I agree that what we can do best is work on ourselves and our relationship with God so that when the time comes we will be ready and prepared. Anyway…just wanted to say nice job (love the quirky humor as always!!) and thanks for encouraging us “older” single folks out there 😉
Blessing,
– Jonathan Ruth
How do you respond internally to the question of why you are still single?
Internally; I have not come to the place where I have found someone I am “all that attracted to.” Am I selfish, arrogant, narcissistic; perhaps a little of all of them. I am so glad God has comforted and healed me after my divorce; there is no fear, which is more comforting than I can explain. I just haven’t found anyone locally I wish to pursue.
Is the lack of “expert” in your title holding you back from pursuing something you’re passionate about?
I am more of an “unkspert;” you don’t take advice about marriage from the person that has been divorced eight(8) times about what he/she did wrong, you find that person that is 70+ years old and their spouse is helping them with every step they take. Find out what he/she did to get that unwavering Love & Support.
What are some areas that people have poured into your life that you could turn around and pour into others’?
I have been blessed to have many folks in my life pour into me and I have been blessed to pour into others. As of late, I have had much more of my pouring out into others than others pouring into me. I am thinking a lot of the “pouring out” I get to do is in listening to the women in the singles group I am a part of. Most of the men, I do not have the relationship I could have because of the vastly different life styles and my being overextended which I am working on.
$0.02:
I can’t thank Joy and the L&R ministries for helping me understand how to communicate with the opposite gender. Marriage is a hard thing to prepare for, the communication tools L&R offer are priceless!
@Aron, thanks! I think you are right on about thinking through who we are getting our advice from. I am a huge fan of the geriatrics. They have the best insight.
Joy — I’ve received a few ass-inine comments as well recently and wish I had the grace and humor that you possess when responding.
@Paul | All Groan Up, It’s hard not to sometimes. I feel like some we need to address and most we need to ignore. Either way – it always benefits me to wait awhile before responding. And punch something.
@Paul | All Groan Up, Thank you. All Paul’s are forgiven.
I finally just started telling them God made me too awesome for any one person. I can hardly contain my own awesomeness.
@Julie, hahaha. I’d love to see their response. Especially when you follow it up with, “Do you have multiple men to set me up with?”
I just tell people when they ask why I’m still single – “Because I’m awesome.” And leave it at that. It reminds me of that one post you did a while ago on how to respond to people when they say stuff like that.
However, Sweet Paul, I don’t think his intention was really fueled by love. Er- something.
Joy, keep doing what you’re doing. I am SO happy I’ve stumbled on your blog.
I have friends that make me SCARED to death of marriage and kids, because they are train wrecks 90% of the time. I also have friends who have awesomely God centered marriages, that make me say “hey, it’s not that bad.”
I think you hit that so right, God created Man and Woman. Different beings. I am so thankful for the advise you offer to the crowd of us that are still single.
This is rambling and really choppy. So simply said, you kick ass. Thanks for what you do =)
RK
@RK, you are welcome. and i like your choppy-ness. xoxo
If I could marry this video, I would. Oh Joy, move to the Bay Area please. And I just hung out with your friend Megan Marshman last weekend at Hume. So great. Let’s party. With cats, unicorns, and the like.
@Wendy Hagen, I love Megan “Fate” as she will always be to me. I think the three of us would kind of laugh non stop if we were in the same room.
JOY! You are absolutely hysterical! And so right. . . . Like about everything here! haha 😉 I’d LOVE to feature this video and other stuff from your site in FaithVillage. Let me know if you’re unsure about something in the application and such, or if I need to send it again. Thanks, girl!
@Amber Dobecka, Oh I didn’t get the application! Did you send to Stephanie? I know things are a bit hectic. She’s going on maternity leave, I’m leaving the country and we just had some interns start. I would like to know more. Sounds good. Have to run everything by the L&R staff but will be in touch.
@Joy, p.s. Thank you for your kind words and I just tweeted to you too!
Im sorry. Will you marry me?
Joy- as always, good insight! You may need to stop pining for the camel-dude and forgive your brother, though. I was recently in Jordan also and was wary about camel-dudes. I had heard stories from my friends in college who were nearly married off for camels when they were on tours and missions trips in the Mid-East. I protected myself from the roving eyes of camel drovers with my mom’s promise ring on that one particular finger. I knew that I would not be able to milk camels for the rest of my life. And I hear that camel hair is quite coarse and gets all over the place. So, be glad that your brother put the kebash on it, you would have needed to have a lint roller factory to keep up with all of that hair!
I believe that sometimes we aren’t married yet because the Lord has ways for us to serve that wouldn’t work out the same way if we were married and needing to devote our time and energy to that marriage. I questioned my status big-time about 5 yrs ago and then my mom got cancer. My married-with-kids sister could not be asked to do the same things in this situation as unmarried-me. I am grateful now for this ability to be with my mom so much. Often-times our rear view mirror gets our vision a little closer to 20/20. 😉
Being unmarried also meant that I could waltz off to the land of the camel-dudes! I see things in married relationships that I desire for myself at some point and my married friends tell me that they sometimes wish that they had some of the freedom that I have. I have to recognize the opportunities that I have at this point in my life to serve God and to encourage others not to waste where He has them for this time (probably for a good reason ;)- ).
Thank you for what you do and the passion that you bring to it!
Ahhh, “fish sticks and custard!” Am I correct in guessing this means you’re a Doctor Who fan? :]
thanks Joy for the video and post 🙂 reading through all the love and respect NOW stuff which I have been too busy to read for the last little while has made my day and inspired me again 😀
You are automatically cooler if you really do have a cat! I have two, and they are the most important ladies in my life right now.
Re: This vid, and others…..I’m learning tons about how to approach relationships and my next(hopefully) marriage.
katie thinks...
you’re a blessing to me, joy. (ps: men who pay for their wives with camels don’t like shaven legs anyway. keep growing that hair out and maybe he’ll send for you.)
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