This Ask Joy comes from a friend of mine who is a passionate leader and entrepreneur. She longs to be married as well as change the world. And I believe she will do both…
How come when I say I have exciting news, I get like 50 texts asking if I am engaged? How do we get there, people?? I’ve been single for like 10 years!
Photo Credit: Liv in the Moment Photography
1. Because of your position, I’m sure many people assume you would keep a relationship on the DL from social media until it’s reallllly official. So I’d assume, they assume, you’re good at keeping secrets.
2. Few people live with the vast experience that you have. Singleness allows for this. But for many, the milestones of marriage and kids are the primary markers in their life. So when you offer “exciting news,” that’s what they conclude must be it for you.
3. But before we look at that negatively, I think it’s important to note that those ARE two incredible milestones we humans can experience in this life. As unmarried people, we can often be sensitive to these assumptions because they are deep desires of our hearts. And the people who have experienced these great milestones are excited for you to share in them, too…because they love you, not because they are cruel and want to highlight your heartache.
I know people with good intentions can sometimes pour salt in a wound, but what I have had to remember is “ATB” — assume the best.
My friend Sarah and I strongly considered (and still consider at times) getting this as a tattoo. Of course, it’s not natural to assume the best when we are feeling offended. But, I think the mature route would be to respond to your 50 texts with…
“No engagement, the exciting news is that I’m running for President. However, I am looking for a good first husband. Know anyone?”
From my heart,
Joy
When is it most difficult for you to ATB?
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Thank you for your .27 cents Aron.
I SO get this. I really really dislike getting statements like this (or similar to this in any shape or form). Also a classic (once e-mailed to me by my former boyfriend who, at the time, I was not really over):”Let’s meet, we have to talk.”-it always makes me assume the WORST, because usually that’s what he’d tell me (”I just wanted to tell you in person that I have met someone else” and the like). I would’ve really appreciated a short text with the bad news instead, would’ve saved me tons of negative thoughts about what he could’ve possibly wanted to talk about.
And btw, there a pt. 2 to that story happening tomorrow. But instead of a ”Let’s talk”, there was a simple ”Let’s meet”. Off to practice ATB! 😉
Ok, I just realized I was totally being off-toppic. Sorry guys! 🙂
ATB is always a good plan. Because really, if they are your friends, they might be wishing the best for you as well. Because that’s what friends do. If they are just being ultra insensitive rude jerks…we don’t call them friends.
haha – good point Caitlin.
I get fired up when I feel like my friends or family are hurting because of something someone else did or said. ESPECIALLY if it’s my nieces’ or nephews’ feelings that have been hurt. It’s easier to brush off or ATB when it’s done against me. I guess the thing about not poking the mama bear works for aunts too 😉
As an Aunt I can second that!
I have the hardest time assuming the best when people make cracks about me being underemployed. It’s an area I’m especially sensitive about. I’m acutely aware of the fact that I am overqualified to do this…it doesn’t need to be pointed out to me time and time again.
It gets exhausting having to defend your life choices to people, especially when things weren’t exactly a choice to begin with. It sure is great motivation to not get comfortable and to keep looking for something better, though!
Hey Allison – thanks for sharing. I think a way you could ATB in this situation is shifting the perception that people are nagging you into the reality that, at it’s core, they are complimenting you with their statements. They see you as very gifted!
Aron (@AronDarling) thinks...
I tend to assume nothing; I personally hate open ended statements like “I have big news” or “Guess What…I will tell you later.” I may be over logical and very non-emotional, but comments like that are not good and should be reserved for High School.
A cold hearted $0.02; but be up front with people, let your intentions be known, and let others celebrate with you, or comfort you in your times of need.
Extra Quarter:
Assumptions always start with those in the middle of HarAssment.
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