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Hey Friends,
I wanted to tell you something.
If you have been part of the Love and Respect Now community for a while, you might remember a little over a year ago when I announced I was getting married. Then I said I was kidding, and told you I was having a baby. After making you adequately annoyed by my endless string of lies, I told you I had just signed a book contract, and then proceeded to dance around my cemetery to Disney tunes like a fool.
Oh you don’t remember? Watch HERE at your own risk.
About six months later, after I had written most of the book, NY Times best-selling author (of one of my favorite books, Bonhoeffer), Eric Metaxas, stopped by my office. My friend, Stephanie, interviewed us about being a first time vs. veteran author. Originally that video was only for our newsletter peeps, but rules schmoolz, I made it public.
About a month after that on Valentine’s Day (the due date for my manuscript), I announced the title and book cover. You can read about that and see an amazingly awkward childhood photo of yours truly HERE.
There has been a lot of plotting and planning for this book, and I have poured so much of myself into writing and praying about it over the last couple of years.
But as the due date got closer, I started feeling unrest and a lack of resolve about the whole project. “Resolve” is how I describe the feeling I get as I am preparing for a talk–when I get to the moment that I know it’s finished and ready to go. Nerves about getting on stage still remain, but there is a peace and freedom I feel before the Lord to move forward and speak.
Except this was the exact opposite.
Through the process of seeking wise counsel from my parents and others who sensed the unrest I was experiencing, I made the choice to not move forward on publishing. It wasn’t easy saying “no” and walking away from the book I had poured so much of my myself into. But the moment I did, I felt free.
I wasn’t going to say anything to y’all, because frankly I didn’t think anyone would notice. But some of you have (and that means a lot) and some of my friends have challenged me to be “vulnerable” about how I’m feeling.
Ohhhhh, Brené Brown.
Sometimes I feel like people are going to think I’m a failure, or that I couldn’t hack meeting a deadline or producing something worth publishing. Then I pause and remember the wise words others have told me (probably more than once),
“Joy, people aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.”
And in the words of Bill Murray in What About Bob,
“Owwwwwwww….owww, owww, owwwwwww.”
Permanent Vertigo was supposed to be released on August 1, 2014. It was bizarre seeing that date slowly creep up on the calendar and then pass by with no book. But I do feel a sense of peace and am excited because I think there will come a day when I can share my bizarre childhood-and-beyond stories and reflections with the world.
When that is, I don’t know.
I am so grateful for everything that has been typed, edited, re-worked and re-thought for my own personal growth and reflection. I continue to pray about how it will all unfold, and how I can hold loosely and wisely steward all that I write or speak out loud. Vulnerability is good, but I also believe there is wisdom in restraint. As I sort through what to share and what not to share about my life, I would love if you would pray for me, too.
I trust the “when” of this project will find its resolve, but it will most likely be as I wait.
From my heart,
Joy
P.S. If you pre-ordered Permanent Vertigo on Amazon, first, THANK YOU for your pre-support. Means the world to me. Second, since you don’t pay for pre-orders until the product is shipped, you should not see any Amazon charges to your account. If you do though, get in touch with them and they’ll know what to do.
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Joy, I haven’t been around here (your blog) for very long but I love your energy, honesty, and transparency. Thanks for sharing some of your struggles with the book – saying “No” or “I’m not ready” is hard, but indeed as the other commenter noted, it is brave. God says “Not yet” frequently to us. You heard Him and listened. Well done! I suspect you’ll be rewarded for that in the end.
Thanks for sharing that with us, Joy. It takes a lot of guts to decide not to move forward on such a large endeavor that you’ve poured so much into. I definitely respect your process of seeking wisdom from God and others – that’s a demonstration of many of the things you talk about on here! Whatever the outcome down the road, many of us are with you and for you!!
Joy,
God’s timing is perfect. You were wise to listen to counsel and listen to your heart. Thank you for being vulnerable. So many people are not obedient and push through and do not listen to God’s voice. Praying for the perfect time that you will feel released to share your story and I am praying for you.
Thank you for the update. It’s admirable AND courageous to hold off on anything that the Holy Spirit isn’t giving peace about. This encourages my soul. Yes, for sure will be praying for the perfect time/way for you to share what you’ve worked so hard on gathering, processing & rewriting 🙂
I am one of the ones who would love to read your book… but let’s be honest I would be happy to read anything you write (said in the least stalkerish way possible). Thank you for practicing what you preach. Praying for resolve as you continue to balance vulnerability and restraint!
Thank you for sharing this. It’s encouraging to hear that others go through things like this. I have recently gone through a “change of plans” (i.e. God saying “not yet” to something I’ve been planning on) and it feels disconcerting. But I guess I’m not the only one! 🙂
Blessings
Betsy!!! I’ve been meaning to write you and tell you that I was ABSOLUTELY FLOORED when I got the Betsy book in the mail. That was so thoughtful and kind and your note was even sweeter. Made my day and the book sits on my shelf and I am so touched every time I see it there. Thank you a million times over!
WAIT!! You…vulnerable??? That really destroys my projection of perfection I have of you. O:-)
In reality, we are all vulnerable to certain things. It is wonderful that you are allowing God to shut you down on this project until His timing is perfect. Your vulnerability speaks volumes for your good character. You are awesome, and your ministry is awesome. As an avid reader, I look forward to the day God’s guidance encourages you to finish the book and you gift us with your knowledge. Until then, be encouraged. May God’s peace and blessing continue to be with you.
You’ve been talking and writing a good bit about the importance of wise counsel lately and I love to see that you are seeking it yourself and following it, even when it is uncomfortable. It takes maturity and humility to ask for guidance and to respond well to what God is leading you to do or not to do. There can be much “wisdom in restraint” and it is refreshing to hear that from someone in our generation.
I hope that you are encouraged in what your see here in all of these comments, but you may want to put the semi-stalker dude on notice 😉
Don’t worry about people thinking that you’re a failure. Hardly anyone else reading your post has ever written a book to the point of it being ready for publishing! Failure would have been not listening as God guided you in this decision. I believe that the Lord told Samuel that He cares about what is happening in the heart and you have placed yours in the best of hands.
Joy, here’s some words of wisdom from Beth Moore. “Peace is one of the most obvious earmarks of the authority of Christ. A sence of peace will virtually accompany His will and direction–even when the direction might not have been our personal preference….As we grow in Christ, we will learn how to appreciate peace over personal preference.” (pg. 84 To Live Is Christ workbook)
I was looking forward to getting and reading your book, but if having the peace of God that surpasses understaning (Phil. 4:6-9) means not have the book that is more important. For now I will listen and read your insite from your site. As the Gospel song says “God’s Up To Something Good.”
I’ll read anything you write, Joy (within reason…). I love your words. And videos. Will your book have videos?
Jennifer Adams thinks...
Vulnerability is brave. Thank you for being brave.
You know you could have just kept moving forward, not asking for wise counsel, not listening to the check in your spirit, not having the courage to let go of dreams and plans, but you didn’t. You didn’t let pride or fear keep you from obedience. As a reader of your blog, your vulnerability helps me remember that I’m not the only one that has to let go sometimes. Your obedience gives others, myself definitely included, the courage to be obedient.
I can’t wait to read your book! When God gets finished with it, and you, it’s going to be AWESOME!
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