Simplicity Evermore thinks...

I think that we as women have a tendency to lump behavior and attitudes in with the person. Johnny dumps on us by say, putting us down infront of our friends, and we say “He is SO rude!” And then we behave contemptfully.

But I think that what Mr. Eggerichs is saying is that men perceive this as an attack on their personality. It is as if we are saying:

You are behaving rudely => You are a rude person => You are a man of bad charachter=> I have contempt for you.

As women we do that alot. Oh, he’s a bum. He’s a jerk. He’s a _____.

God created us human beings in his image.

He gave us all a unique personality.

There is no one *exactly* like us.

However, as people we can change ourselves to fit a set of standards: Our culture, our peer group, our church, our family etc.

But if God created us a certain way, how can we change?

We change our charachter. Our character is a self expression which conforms to a set of standards.

They may not be socially acceptable standards.

Let’s say you are a person who dislikes dogs.

Your personality has a negative preference for fuzzy little puppies.

If you are conforming to a high set of moral standards, you would claim integrity and love as characteristics, and treat the puppy well, inspite of yourself.

If you are conforming to a low set of moral standards, you would claim self-interest and free will as charachter traits, and treat the puppy poorly.

In both these instances your personality has not changed.

You still don’t like puppies.

However, you are conforming to a set of standards: A standard higher than yourself (‘Morality’) or a standard lower than yourself (‘Amorality’).

Both of which dictate how you should and should not express yourself.

–We all have to conform to something–

So we have that: Personality => Charachter => Actions.

Okay. Now, remember when you were little and you learned in school that verse: (Matt 5:44) Love your enemies, pray for those who hurt you.

We all know that man is innately evil.

BUT

We are created in God’s image.

God does not have a bad image.

So what sin has done is given us *an automatic tendancy towards a negative self-expression.* (Read that again.)

Which means that everyone has a good personality and a bad charachter.

–So Jesus reforms and restores that charachter.–

Okay so if a character =/= personality then we come to this:

You are behaving rudely => I do not like your behavior >> I love you => So I will contempt your behavior, but not you.

Which means you have to find ways to show your dislike for Johnny putting you down, without showing dislike for Johnny.

And I think what Mr. Eggerichs has said here is that Disrespect happens when we start to show contempt for the person, and not the behavior.

Or to quote a wise woman: Respect is treating people like they matter.

And we as women have a tendancy to forget that the man matters, when his behavior makes us feel like we don’t.

Okay new argument:

Love and respect are interchangeable. Respect focuses on personality, and Love focuses on charachter.

Respect says: I will treat you like you matter regardless of your charachter

Love Says: I love your charachter even when it’s ugly now, because I am looking at the charachter you will have tommorrow.

Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking. Love is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

True love is both loving and respectful.

Think about it.~_^

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sara thinks...

hey joy,
I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with a guys whose 9 years older to me and i’m just 19. He controls every breath that I take and lets me have no say at all in his life whatsoever. he can go around doing whatever he wishes but if I say anything he says you’re not my wife yet.. Stop controlling me and never admits when i confront him…How can I respect him?

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