Hi Friends,
I mentioned earlier this week that my father, Emerson Eggerichs was in town recently and I had a couple post-RSOTU questions for him. He had barely finished grabbing his luggage from baggage claim, when I pulled out the camera and asked for his thoughts. He rolled with it; I think he’s getting used to me…
The first topic I addressed was: “In relationship, HOW does a woman practically and tangibly show respect?”
Today’s question: “What do you say to guys who get all fired up and say, ‘Yea! Joy is right! You SHOULD respect me?!?’”
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Some people go too far & bring up the respect issue when their partner is just joking with them. i have seen that many times. Anyway, regarding the video: If he tells his girlfriend that he isn’t showing love because she is disrespectful, then HE is being disrespectful. If he doesn’t like a particular situation then he should communicate that in another way, you know. like, “by talking about it” if two people love each other then they are best friends i would like to think, hence they should know one another on many levels so after awhile they will just know…
don’t whine, communicate.
sorry about the double comment. the first one disappeared then reappeared after i posted the second one…
This is a helpful insight!
So I think what Mr. Eggerichs is saying here is that we as women have a battle between Respecting our menfolk and Respecting ourselves.
Firstly, we have to determine the charachter of our men. Goodwill? or not Goodwill?
I think goodwill can be safely defined, as a man who has our best interests at heart.
He is not selfishly motivated to manipulate us, or to get from us what he can.
Instead, he is investing himself in us, and in a future he hopes to have with us.
So if a man is constantly telling us that we are disrespecting him,w ehave to evaluate: If he telling us this because our behavior is inherently disrespectful?
Or is he telling us this, because everytime he says it we buckle down and do what he’s complaining about?
Self- respect says: Because I am a human being, I need to take my own needs into account, sometimes at the expense of yours.
A need is something you cannot live without.
A desire is something you would like to have.
People need food, water, clothing, shelter, love, respect, and spiritual wellbeing.
A goodwilled man will not demand of you at the expense of your needs.
Giving into demands at the expense of one’s own needs is called ‘Being a doormat.’
It’s saying: I agree, I am so insignificant that I am willing to contempt my own humanity, in order to humor you.
Now, we as women have a tendency to really like male attention. And we really like having guy friends, and boyfriends.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes a little bit of male attention is the nicest feeling in the whole world.
But we can want that too much.
We let our desire for male attention outweigh our need, and discretion for positive male attention.
In short, we become…
…desperate.
Desperation means we are willing to sacrifice our humanity to buy male attention.
As Christian women we would condemn the extreme signs of desperation. (Such as sleeping with the man on the first date or shacking up together.)
But what about little signs of desperation?
Like, say, dressing up for a guy, when you wouldn’t dress up for yourself?
Your guy should love you the way you are right? And we all agree that clothes don’t make a woman. I think we all also agree, that as women, dressing up on a date is our way of showing the man we apppreciate him. That’s good.
And as women we like dressing up.
So why don’t we appreciate ourselves enough to dress up in our own homes, just because we want to and we like it?
We need to feel beautiful, because when we feel beautiful we love and like ourselves more.
That’s why we like to wear makeup and buy pretty clothes.
I think it is easier for our men to respect us, when we respect ourselves first.
Because of the way men are built I think they have this kind of mentality: If she doesn’t even respect herself, why should I?
Or if she doesn’t value herself, why should I treat her like she has value?
You are beautiful, you have worth, you deserve to treat yourself like it, and be treated like it.
But as women we have come to see this as a sort of selfishness. We feel guilty for loving ourselves.
“I don’t have time to put my hair up today. (Gosh, I look like Medusa.)”
“If I don’t watch that movie I really disagree with, my bf will not go out with me.”
“If I don’t let him kiss me, he’ll leave me.”
“My friends don’t think I’m good enough. So I will do whatever they want, or they will leave me.”
Selfishness? or Self-love?
Think about it ~_^
You’re dad is awesome! And this was a great series. I learned a lot. That could/would thing one of the guys on the panel brought up is huge. I never even realized I do that.
Aldo Notarandrea thinks...
its all about how you communicate… if a guy shouts at his girlfriend and/or says that he’s not showing her love because he feels disrespeced….. well then HE is not respecting her because HE is not communicating his feelings properly… two people who love each other should be able to open up & have a discussion. Also, some people go too far & if their girlfriend jokes with them they call it disrespect. it’s ridiculous…. Also, Respect should flow mutually between two people without having to constantly talk about it but if something does bother one party than they should discuss it… not stomp their feet and cry, “oh your not respecting me” … Just be best friends and listen to each other, then you’ll know…
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