Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #1
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #3
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #4
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #5
My friend of the opposite sex is in a committed relationship now. Can we still be friends?
Have you experienced this type of rare, special friendship?
How can we gracefully transition the nature of our friendships through the various seasons?
Do you trust that you will answer the “why” honestly?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
@G Fresh, Love the stories and your last line. Nothing more freeing about being honest with ourselves and the people we date or will date!
@JOY, Thanks! I’ve really enjoyed reading and commenting on this series and I can’t wait wait to see what you’ve got coming up in the future. 🙂
Good stuff! I walked through this type of situation this summer with a good friend of mine. She and I moved to the same city separately, but knew eachother before hand, then she began dating one of my buddies. The fella she is dating I had not been all that close with.
When they started seeing eachother it was a surprise, and there then was tension on the friendship. I was not going to step on the guys’ toes, but wanted to respect and honor both of them. What ended up happening is a gut honest discussion between me and my friend and her boyfriend and I. I stepped back from both friendships, which allowed them to draw closer to one another, and develop their relationship to what it needed to be.
The process of stepping back and watching a very close friend walk away for awhile hurt a bit, but I knew it was what was best. The communication that was established between her boyfriend and I resulted in a deeper friendship where I can now hang out with both of them with ease. Seems to have been a win-win all around.
I would like to claim this wisdom for myself, but I cannot. I had some solid folks around me who walked through the same issues. It worked out great and allowed for me to invest in another relationship that is proving to be healthier than it had been before.
@A.P., This is such a fantastic example of what freedom comes with being in the light about things and seeking wisdom. Thank you for sharing! I’m so happy to hear that you can hang out with “ease” which probably wouldn’t have happened if the tough convo didn’t take place.
Yes! I do have one of these friendships. One of my very best friends, Tyler and I have been friends for over 7 years now. I can honestly say that he is one of the only friends who has stuck it out through all of the crap that I have experienced. Even when I was in a tough relationship a few years ago and wasn’t “allowed” to talk to him for a long period of time, once that was over, he went right back to being my friend, no questions asked. This past October, I went through a really awful time. He was only in town for three days to see his family over [Canadian] Thanksgiving, but he made sure one of those evenings was spent watching Kindergarten Cop with sick and miserable me. He was one of two friends who did something practical (the other friend made me baked goods). Yes, Arnold is completely practical in my mind. I cherish his friendship. Tyler’s, not Arnold’s.
But that’s not to say that we haven’t had difficulties figuring out the male/female friendship thing. We have very clear boundaries about the things we talk about and how in depth we go. We don’t want to be a placeholder during the times we are both single. When one (or both) of us is dating, we’re also careful about hanging out alone together. It just doesn’t happen, out of respect for the people we are dating. It’s something we struggled with, but in order to completely avoid anything awkward, we just don’t. Margin is never a bad idea.
He is a very dear friend that will be around for a long time.
Hi Joy – just wanted to say thanks for sharing your thoughts and wisdom. My wife and I have long been a fan of your folks, helped bring them here the first time to Wichita, KS, and then helped Ken and Dee in the Love and Respect Intensives for a year or so. I appreciated what you’ve shared about friendships with the opposite sex – especially the question of “Why?” when married. I wrote a simillar blog on my site: http://madlyinlove.org/ok-married-person-friends-opposite-sex/ SO important for each of us to be honest with ourselves, with each other, and before God when it comes to friendships with the opposite sex outside of our marriage.
G Fresh thinks...
Most definitely. I’ve got a super talented female singer/songwriter friend back home in Indiana that every time I go back, we go sing karaoke and make up stupid fake names that the DJ has to call out. I think the last time we went, I was Captain McAwesomeface and she was Sparkles. We’ve been friends for almost 12 years now and although there was a point where I had a bit of a crush on her (I think it was the singer/songwriter thing mostly because we would have made an AWFUL couple), that was short lived and right at the beginning of our friendship.
I’ve got another friend whom I only get to see once every few years because she’s out of the country a lot (she teaches English as a second language in various foreign countries), but every time we get to see each other it’s like nothing’s changed and we always have a good time catching up.
I think if they’re friendships that are meant to be, they’ll transition fairly gracefully on their own without our interference.
Lastly, I’m pretty sure I could answer the why on all of my female friendships pretty honestly should I meet someone and it gets to the point where they start meeting my friends.
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