Working in a predominantly male environment, how do I not become a “mini-man” like many of my female co-workers?
-Carly
First off Carly, I want to say that you are adequate for the job, because you got the job.
Often we misinterpret others perceptions of us, based on our own insecurities.
You cannot do anything about someone’s perceptions, or misperceptions of you, all you can control is how you respond to that person.
The term “mini-men” reminds me of the phrase “small man syndrome”; not saying I condone this phrase, but what it infers, is that a man who is feeling insecure in a certain area (often being smaller than the rest of his friends) will overcompensate…
…and unfortunately everybody can see it from a mile away.
My father says that successful working women are comfortable and confident enough in who they are to not have to over compensate. They know they are most powerful as women when they understand a man’s deepest need: respect.
How, you ask?
One way to do this is to consciously avoid showing contempt, which in the work place, often breeds out of a woman’s feelings of inferiority. That’s why I believe you see many of the women you work with, becoming “mini-men.”
If either one of us, male or female, tries to overcompensate, it just doesn’t work well, especially in the workplace. So let me encourage you to…
…live into your femininity, the way God designed you, be strong and confident in that. You got the job.
From one working woman to another,
Joy
p.s. Cartoon unicorn in this video was drawn by my friend Julian. Check out his funny website The Daily Corn.
Have you struggled with a similar issue in your work place? How did you handle it?
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
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Thanks joy! I’d love to hear more about love and respect in the workplace.
That’s good feedback Richelle, thank you!
Here is another article that might also be helpful: https://loveandrespectnow.com/2011/09/guest-post-review-of-the-male-factor/
I find it interesting-slash-frustrating to work in a somewhat corporate environment where I see these tables turned. It’s fairly common to hear comments toward the men on my team (there are only three) that are just…not nice. Sometimes this happens in their presence, sometimes not. But regardless of the setting, there seems to be something in the women I work with that causes them to feel they must put these men down somehow to enhance their own sense of power and accomplishment. I make an effort to communicate respect toward these men in my interaction with them, but now I wonder how I might do this more intentionally.
Barb,
First, I’d like to thank you for your good heart and willingness to show respect to those men in your workplace. This is rare, and I’m sure they appreciate it!
Second, I think the disrespectful women you work with need to know that you don’t agree with their disrespectful behavior. They need to know that not all women think as they do. Silence tells them that their actions are acceptable. If such women are to change, it will probably only happen through the voice and actions of other women, as they likely won’t listen to men. I’m not sure if this would best happen later in a private conversation or while the men are still present, but I’m sure the men would feel respected if they saw a woman defend them against such disrespect. Maybe you should inform your supervisor if you think that might make a difference. (Most men would be fired on the spot if they were so blatantly disrespectful. If those women fear losing their jobs, they might think twice before speaking negatively about men.) I guess you may know which approach best applies to your situation (and how much retaliation you are willing to deal with.) The next time you see them disrespect men you work with, try using the opportunity to create change, however you choose to do so. Perhaps some ladies here might add their wisdom and perspective to these thoughts.
Maybe asking them the following questions will help:
Why do you feel the need to male-bash/disrespect?
What do you think you are accomplishing by doing this?
Does it really make you feel better about yourself and your life, or is it just a quick laugh with your friends at his expense?
Does disrespecting men turn them into the kind of men you would respect and love to interact with, or is it just tearing them down?
Do you think respect and encouragement might work better to help men become the kind of men you would be willing to respect?
I welcome any feedback!
This is not just an issue for women working in a male-dominated space. In many instances, the culture that exists within those spaces is a challenge for men, too. It’s very easy for men to be caught up in a culture that supports stereotypically “manly” activities: this simply reinforces a workplace that is often hostile to women and to men who don’t conform to cultural standards of masculinity.
This is absolutely fantastic, Joy.
Lindsey Nobles (@lindseynobles) thinks...
Love that you have a friend with a blog called “The Daily Corn.”
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