Joy,
My friend and I have been “the last singles standing” for a while now, but she just started dating someone. Honestly, I am feeling a little jealous now. How do I keep hanging out with her without becoming the “crazy, jealous friend”?
-Jamie
_______
Hey Jamie,
I have a couple (couple = 4…?) options for you:
Option 1: Tell the new boyfriend that you will be attending every date and that he is required to bring one (new) (single) friend each time. Remember: it’s not too much to ask someone else to solve the problem of your love life.*
Option 2: Suppress it and start denying the very thing you want. Say things like, “I didn’t really want to get married any way.”
Option 3: Be bitter, super sensitive and stop going to any and all bridal showers, etc.
Option 4: Choose to follow Scripture and rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn because God wants to know the desires of your heart. Marriage may or may not happen for you. You can allow yourself to mourn that possibility, but if you let jealousy consume you, it will permeate your spirit–and that ain’t attractive to anyone.
As your friend rejoices, I challenge you to choose to be joyful for her and the feelings will eventually follow.
From my sing-along-loving-heart**,
Joy
DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?
CHECK OUT THESE RELATED ARTICLES:
Singleness and the Church: BELIEF…and the Ready to Wed.
More Questions to Ask Before You Get Married: Wisdom with Preschoolers
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
You are probably correct. I’m pretty sure what I did was illegal.
Nothing’s illegal until you get caught. That’s what my uncle (retired police chief) says. ☺
I know it’s all too easy for me to become self focused, and be thinking about how my friends’ life decisions affect me, rather than thinking of how I can support them. I think the scripture of rejoice when they rejoice is super applicable here. Great video!
Thanks Erika! I feel you and need this video as a personal reminder!
Great video Joy! I unfortunately get to see this more often than not; there is a large group of girlfriends that have hung out together forever, most in the same small group, forever. They talk, they share and they connect, then one starts dating and the rest of the group is at first happy, then they feel sad because their friend is giving more time to the new ‘dating relationship’ than they are to the ‘group of BFFs.’
Oddly I don’t see this in men’s groups so much; could be the whole ‘shoulder to shoulder’ relationships men have.
Another situation I see from time to time is where a man from our 30:40 group starts dating a woman from outside our group. Some of the women can run into the ‘Option #2’ area where they tell themselves they were never interested in ‘that guy’ anyway; when they have been interested in him for a while — sometimes a year or so — but never made it known to him, nor to any mutual guy friends. Not that you should put ‘match maker’ on anyone, but you could let someone know who could maybe plant a seed….
I think planting seeds in our friends minds to play match maker is a VERY good idea!
I think it is a great idea too; i try to help out when I can if someone lets it be known they are interested in someone.
Love this post, Joy. I’m currently walking through/learning this right now. God has graciously shown me that it’s ok to desire marriage and also fully celebrate with my friends (which is rad!), rather than turning to jealously (which is not right, doesn’t honor Him). After all, I would hate to miss out on fully engaging in the celebration because I allowed my feelings to govern my attitude and thoughts.
Anyhoo, thanks!!
– Ashley
Yea! Who wants to miss out on a celebration? Now turn on Beyonce’s single ladies and lets do this!!
I think your first suggestion was spot on! I’m totally using it next time! I mean…..it just makes sense.
In all seriousness though–great post! I think this is definitely something that a lot of people deal with and just let jealousy fester instead of surrendering EVERYTHING to the Lord. Being honest with ourselves, continually surrendering our lives to Him, and then choosing to live out what He says makes all the difference.
Tracking devices are ALL the rage.
Thanks for the kind words!
I think you first suggestion is spot on! I’m definitely going to use it next time! I mean….it just makes sense.
In all seriousness though–great post! I think a lot of people deal with this and just let jealousy fester instead of surrendering EVERYTHING to the Lord. Being honest with ourselves, continually surrendering our lives to Him, and living out what He says makes all the difference.
Really cool idea, Joy. But I would also say to this lady, that I think it’s time to let go a bit, besides her friend should devote more time to her new relationship. She needs to find NEW female (and male) friends who are single. It’s far more healthy and she will find more opportunities to date and find people. As a single, it’s just not wise to limit your circle to marrieds and those in relationships, but I”m sure she’ll come back to spending more time with her married and non-single friends for double-dates and group gatherings, but until then, better stick with the singles.
This is so true and simple and smart and truth and I want to be your best friend…. but I’m learning to mourn that.
This is so true and simple and smart and truth again and I want to be your best friend…. but I’m learning to mourn that fact, unless you are looking for a new, cool, canadian bestie?
anywhoo… loved this!
I’m new to the internet and posted my comment 3 times (Or at least tired), I guess I really wanted to you know my thoughts.
anywho, say sassy.
Haha, first time commenters have to be approved. And I love Canadians!
Jealous and bitter are NOT what I want to become! I recently had a meeting and the discussion went to the singleness issue and I saw first hand what it can do to someone. She is in her early 60’s and a Christian woman and there is some deep bitterness that has taken root. I may have needed to see and hear that, just to know how it is so off-putting and to pray that the Lord keeps my attitude in the right place, married or not. If I did get to that point, I hope that someone would give me a good dunking in the “Willa-met” or the “Willa-metty” or even a little more south in the Umpqua (yeah, that one gets mangled too!) 😉
I want to share every video you post, but I’m a little worried that may cause me to be labeled “obsessed”!
I’ve been thinking lately about that whole mourning what may never be thing. I really think that’s healthy. I think it opens you up to live for the moments God has given you today and to make room for the moments that will come later- whatever those things may be. It also helps us hold the things we desire loosely when we accept that our plans have not and may not work out the way we plan.
Oh how I so needed this right now. Great and true words. This is an issues that I’ve been struggling with a lot over the last couple years and this past year especially. Thank for the encouragement and I’m liking the first idea too 😉 plus my 2 best friends owe me because I introduced them to their husbands.
Encouraging! Recently I have realized that I have definitely gotten into the rut of hanging with only marrieds and not meeting anyone new. And while not particularly bitter about singleness (my friends’ babies are too cute to waste time on that!), I may be deluding myself into thinking singleness is what I want, when it really isn’t. Brings up so many things to ponder today!
P.S. My family butchered the pronunciation of Willamette when we first moved to Oregon, but my favorite mispronunciation was a friend of mine who moved to Portland in our 20s. She told me that she said Mack-a-dam for the first year she lived in Portland – hilarious!
Joy – thank you for telling some truth in this post. Also, huge props for being real with the “marriage may or may not happen for you.” I’ve seen and experienced too much heartache from the idea that everyone is promised (and entitled to) marriage for this not to be addressed. It’s time for churches to stop talking about marriage like that’s the end game of life/adulthood/Christianity.
Heather thinks...
Oh Joy, I was worried for the people of Portland when I watched this video. Maybe stick to making videos in the forest? 🙂
Important message though. Well said.
| at |