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More than anything, I want to have authentic relationships with my friends—I want us to see us challenge each other to become better men. I’ve watched enough of my friends sit in the same state of not wanting to change. So, how can I speak man-to-man to challenge these guys who seem slightly apathetic?
Well, since you’re a dude, I thought I’d bring in a dude to help answer your question. That’s right, Papa E is in the hizzz-ouse! (Do people even say that anymore? Did they ever?)
We hear your heart about wanting to have intentional, challenging conversations with your friends, especially if they seem to be struggling. Authenticity is so valuable in relationship, and one of the only ways we can grow together. Truth be told, I was a little harsh in this video because I had the privilege of reading your whole email, and at first you came off as a little pious and judgmental—but as I’ve thought about it, I really admire and respect you for caring enough to want to challenge your friends.
But to answer your question…
Ask them questions before you challenge them. Seek to understand what they are going through, empathetic to the fact that you may not struggle in those areas yourself.
And the thing is, they might not want to tell you. If you sense they don’t want to be challenged or they’re sitting on issues they aren’t ready to deal with, unfortunately you may need to prayerfully consider changing your friends.
But before you unfriend and delete them from your phone, take a step back and check your ‘tude, dude. Because keep in mind, there’s a difference between challenging your friends and shaming them.
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.