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It’s ironic that I have been sitting outside (yes, Portland finally hired the sun to make a late-spring appearance) writing about asking good questions and up skips “Charlotte” with her baby doll. When I asked if it was an infant, she said, “No, it’s a doll.”
I like your logic, Charlotte.
Charlotte is four, and during the time her mother was changing her little brother’s “poopie,” I learned a number of things about Charlotte.
But what I loved about Charlotte in our two-minute encounter of her skipping around me while I typed on my computer was that she asked me some pretty solid questions.
She’s four years old and she knows more about me than some guys I’ve gone on dates with or women I’ve chatted with at parties…
She asked me…
I might have been biased because she was rockin’ a gold necklace and, like Charlotte, I only sport the gold. But I think I loved Charlotte because she was so inquisitive. She had information to share, but it always came on the heels of her asking me something or answering one of my questions.
I think we can learn a lot from four-year-old Charlotte and her meeting-new-people strategy by simply saying, “So, what are you doing?”
While I’ve posted before on the Art of Asking Good Questions, generally it’s been focused on simple introductions like my little Charlotte just did so perfectly. Today I want to share with you a list of questions I heard from John Maxwell, leadership guru, when I was at Catalyst recently.
When we ask people questions and stay engaged in their answers, it should lead us to critical thinking.
And if we critically think about the information that is being presented to us and weigh it logically and biblically, I think we open ourselves up to growing in wisdom. This is one of the ways you can “seek wisdom.” It doesn’t mean we follow a person’s answers blindly or try to make his or her story our story; it means we ask questions so we can seek out the nuggets of truth that will increase our wisdom and broaden our perspectives.
Here is the list of questions Maxwell suggested to a group of leaders engaging other leaders—but it can morph into questions you could ask a friend, a parent, or someone you want to get to know better. Pay particular attention to #1 and #7.
1.) What’s the greatest lesson you’ve ever learned?
2.) What are you learning now?
3.) How has failure shaped your life?
4.) Who do you know that I should know?
5.) What have you read that I should read?
6.) What have you done that I should do?
7.) How can I add value to you?
In light of the recent “May’s Mundane Monday” project, #7 seems to be the one that can really turn the mundane upside down. #7 may not be something to ask on a first date, but it’s great to ask someone who may be mentoring you or who you “take” from. It forces us to get outside of the “me” mentality to say, “Hey, I appreciate your taking the time to pour your insight and influence into my life…
…now how can I serve you?”
Now, if you see yourself as a person who people are always coming to for insight, this last question can cut to the chase if you know they want your help but they aren’t being clear. Simply say, “Great thoughts! Now how can I help you, or how can I add value to what you want to do?” This encourages the question-asker to be clear with what he or she needs.
It’s beneficial for everyone.
Maxwell asks himself every morning, “Who can I add value to today?” I’ve been amazed at how often the simple prayer of making ourselves available to serve or bless someone really opens the door for us to do so.
Try it.
Maxwell takes his morning petitions to an evening recap of the day. He asks himself, “Who did I add value to today and how did I do it?” My guess is, he writes the answer down so he can become more effective in the future.
My challenge to you: Ask someone these questions soon. Someone you view as older and wiser. But first, ask yourself and write down your answers. You never know when a younger person may ask you for your wisdom or a date wants to have a conversation of more depth than rehashing the movie you just saw.
I pray you will bless others and be blessed by wisdom-givers like Maxwell or smile-givers like little Charlotte.
From my heart,
Joy
Are you too scared to ask how you can add value to someone’s life? Why?
If people pour into you, how do you pour into others? And if you only pour into others and aren’t being poured into, why is that?
And, because I’m curious to know, what have you read that I should read?
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Are you too scared to ask how you can add value to someone’s life? Why?
No. That’s actually one of my daily prayers as well; “God please show me someone that you want to bless today.”. More often than not (a lot of it depending on the attitude of my heart that day and if I actually want to be of service), He’ll bring someone along that can use some help. I don’t know if the prayer to serve made in the right attitude causes God to steer people towards me or if it’s that my eyes become more open to those in need, but whatever it is, usually there will be someone to serve.
If people pour into you, how do you pour into others? And if you only pour into others and aren’t being poured into, why is that?
I usually pour into others via service or exhortation. Those seem to be a couple of areas of spiritual gifting that I’ve been blessed with.
And, because I’m curious to know, what have you read that I should read?
I’m currently making my way through “Pagan Christianity”. It’s a really challenging book looking at the history of the Christian church and how it’s changed since it’s early days; the reasons behind a lot of the practices we do in the modern church, etc.
@JOY, It would be really difficult to summarize because it’s broken down into like 12 or 13 modern church practices and really gets into each one researching where they came from, how Biblical the practices actually are, etc. And it’s chock full of footnotes of their research because the authors knew it was gonna be a controversial book when they wrote it.
So what are YOU reading that I should read?
I think everyone should read Left to Tell by Immaculée Ilibagiza- it changed my life. I will never look at forgiveness the same way. This woman survived the Rwandan Holocaust by hiding in a tiny bathroom with 7 other women for three months. Almost all of her family was murdered, and yet she allowed God to transform her heart so that she was able to forgive those that brutally murdered her loved ones. It’s a powerful, quick read, and an amazing story.
@Rebecca, Did you know it’s being made into a movie? http://www.facebook.com/prayforlefttotell
Are you too scared to ask how you can add value to someone’s life? Why?
I love trying to add value to other people’s lives. From my childhood days I have always loved pouring myself into others. My biggest issue is that my calendar doesn’t have enough room for everything my heart does. I have a tendency to over extend myself when helping others.
If people pour into you, how do you pour into others? And if you only pour into others and aren’t
being poured into, why is that?
I am currently not having anyone pour into me. I do pour into as many as I can, but never thought of the need to have someone else pour into me. HHmmm; going to have to look into this, could be a shoulder to shoulder thing I need to work through.
And, because I’m curious to know, what have you read that I should read?
Where to start here…:
Point Man
Jesus Style
Well Intentioned Dragons
Crazy Love
Unquenchable Worshiper
The Treasure Principle
Restored
Hi Joy! Great post–very helpful, convicting, and thought-provoking. I have really been thinking about the idea of servanthood, especially after reading Michael Card’s book A Better Freedom: Finding Life as Slaves of Christ. It’s really changed my heart and helped me better understand what it means to be a slave of Christ.
Also, a quick but magnificent read is CSLewis Letters to Children. I am thoroughly enjoying it so far!
What is your favorite book?
Thanks for all your videos and blog posts. My friends and I love your site!
@Sharon, I just heard Michael Card speak a couple months ago when I was in Hong Kong. He was fantastic and it made me want to read his books. My favorite book would probably have to be this one… https://loveandrespectnow.com/2010/08/stuff-i-like-bonhoeffer-bio/
Hi Joy!
I like this topic. Those questions are insightful and ones I think I might just ask someone. Thank you. 🙂
You write really well and I like the splashes of humor you insert into your writing and videos. Very engaging!
A book I read that you should read is “God Has a Wonderful Plan for Your Life: The Myth of the Modern Message” by Ray Comfort. Ray is an excellent, excellent author and, like you, writes in a crisp and refreshing manner that keeps me reading. If you haven’t heard of this book, you’ve just got to check it out. You can get the book for free too! Visit http://www.freewonderfulbook.com to get a copy. (Click “Request A Copy”)
I think you will find this book very interesting and truly life-changing. Ray Comfort covers two main things: 1) whether the modern day gospel matches up to Scripture and 2) how to effectively reach the lost the way Jesus did. As it says on the back of the book, it’s “A must-read for all who care about the lost.”
Oh, and Ray Comfort also has a free movie that’s worth checking out too. It’s called “180 Movie” and is quite an eye-opener. It’s 33 minutes short and can be seen here: http://www.180movie.com.
I’d recommend The Hole in Our Gospel (written by the president of World Vision) or Eating Animals (which doesn’t beat around the bush with a misleading title). Both left me wanting to share the book with others and thinking that it talked about things everyone should know, definitely a sign of a good book.
Fiction of note might be Scoop by Evelyn Waugh which I thought was a pretty witty satire novel about a newspaper correspondent who accidently invents a war during imperialism.
RK thinks...
Love this.
Thinking on the questions, and will mayyyybe answer a few, in a few.
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