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Hey Joy,
There’s this guy that I’ve been watching for a number of years. (Creepy.) He’s really quality, but he’s also in a very serious relationship with someone. And the kicker? We have to work together every day.
What do I do?
– Mariah
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Hey Mariah,
Well this is the pits. It hurts and it’s gotta feel like salt in the wound to know he’s two cubicles away.
I learned a TON from Laura Smit‘s book, “Loves Me, Loves Me Not.” It’s an insightful look into the beauty of loving, regardless of its return. It will also give you practical tools of what to do as you wait for reciprocation.
Push play to hear more!
_______
From my heart,
Joy
P.S. Speaking of C.S. Lewis (well, I do in the video) I just read an essay of his called The Efficacy of Prayer. Take a few minutes and read his words both alone or with a friend. I read it with a red head. (Say that 5x fast.)
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Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
Hey Sarah, Thanks for the thoughts. I guess from this girls letter I didn’t really feel like this girl was trying to break them up. In fact she was trying to seek my advice on what the honorable thing to do was when she had to be around him every day. And the way I read the letter (which was much longer) was that feelings had developed before this guy started dating someone else. Telling someone who has feelings for someone to just “be happy” immediately seems like it’s not giving her legitimate feelings a moment to mourn the disappointment. We can mourn, recognize and move on. Doesn’t mean she won’t eventually be happy for them, but I think by writing and seeking advice she was looking to do the honorable thing and learn how to take steps to do that. Not sure if you’ve ever had a crush before, but just because you don’t act upon it doesn’t mean that its an off/on switch. Your words are right overall, but I’m trying to sympathize with this gals heart today as she tries to move on and my gut says that God does too.
Catching up on some posts today. Love the 7 points you talked about from the book. I think those are so important in any type of relationship. The biggest thing I’ve been learning over the last year is not just being comfortable alone, but being comfortable with quiet. I live alone and am a part of a fantastic community, so being alone was never an issue for me. But being quiet while I was alone, like not having the TV or radio on just for background noise, has been a big deal. When people come to talk with me about stuff in their lives, that’s usually the first thing I tell them. Get quiet. Seek God during those times. It’s been a game changer for me on so many different levels. Loved the post, as usual, Joy!
yes yes yes, Julie! So important and so much harder today to carve out. I go to a cemetery often and visit a monastery for a tech-free day every so often. Even then I have found myself mid-day going to my car to check my phone. WHATS WRONG WITH ME!?! haha… But when I do go quiet, it gives me so much life and reflection.
Thanks for the promo, Joy! And again – sorry about my email failings.
Since you’ve introduced my book into conversation, I thought I’d take advantage of the moment to issue a retraction that I wanted to make almost as soon as the book was published. In the book I say that we shouldn’t ever pray that another person would fall in love with us because such a prayer is asking God to over-ride another person’s freedom. What was I thinking? We pray to change people’s minds and hearts about things all the time, and rightly so. We pray for conversions. We pray that people who dislike us would soften their hearts. We pray that people who are fighting would start getting along. These are good prayers.
And they’re not prayers to over-ride anyone’s freedom. God’s sovereign control over our thoughts & desires does not overcome our freedom; it establishes our freedom. I know this in every other area of life; but for some reason it felt as if romance should be different. Very sloppy of me.
Now praying for someone to fall in love with you is often going to be a pretty selfish prayer, and so it’s not a prayer that I would expect God to grant all that often, but that’s a different issue.
Blessings on your work!
This makes so much sense Laura and I think the point you were making in your book does bring up a good question of self-ish type prayers, but truly I do think we can bring all of our requests to God and He loves our honesty. Your new insight on this is great but I still hope everyone reads your book cover to cover! (-:
Wow. I don’t know what’s more frustrating: the fact you’ve never seen Wayne’s World, the fact you are mispronouncing “unrequited”, or the feeling of unrequited love. Unrequited love is tough for guys too. Our male egos get in the way, and we want to fight for her love. Unlike in the movies, fighting for her love usually just ends up in a bloody mess and a free ride in a police car…or so I’ve heard.
sarah thinks...
great advice; to add to it: what about the idea of not coveting one’s neighbor’s wife…
ie. how about encouraging Mariah to not look at some other girl’s guy! i mean, imagine how that girl feels. imagine how you would feel if you knew some random girl was crushing on your guy and hoping he’d someday be hers. that entails: hoping he’d break up with you – that entails hurt and heartbreak, in order to get what she wants…wow. maybe time for learning to look the other way and saying no to this infatuation…real love is being happy for him that he has a good relationship and steering way clear of doing anything or wishing anything but good upon that. It wasn’t God’s will for you to be with him; it’s God’s will for him to be with this other girl. pray for them to be as happy as possible! you will be able to let go that way…when you find yourself rooting for their success!!!
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