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13

The Good News About Marriage: Shaunti Feldhahn Interview

THE 50% DIVORCE STATISTIC IS FALSE, FOLKS!!!

I don’t usually demand things, but I’m going to today. You must read Shaunti’s book or watch this interview I did with her. I’m literally telling everyone about her findings because it’s EXACTLY what my generation needs to hear. 

An entire session of The Illumination Project is based off the question, “Should we have hope for marriage?” It’s difficult to figure out the answer today when we’re only hearing the depressing stats about divorce and happiness in marriage. We’re left wondering if we should put our heart out on the line and go out on that date with the person we are on the fence about anyways, orrrr stay in our marriage when it gets a bit bumpy.

There’s good news–many of the stats that have been floating around for years are literally crap. (Sorry, mom.) This little conspiracy theorist (that is, me, not Shaunti) is picturing some crazy divorce lawyer who decided years ago to leak “bad news” so people would assume it was hopeless, give up and call him.

Ok, so maybe I’ve gone a little nuts, but Shaunti hasn’t. Listen in to her wisdom and expertise! And meet her cat, because he’s pretty pumped about this, too.

_______

(Can’t see this video? Click HERE.)

THE SKIP-AHEAD NOTES (but you shouldn’t…):

0:00 – Who is on the cover of The Good News About Marriage?
2:56 – Debunking the myth that 50% of marriages end in divorce
5:08 – The common denominator that decides whether a marriage makes it. (Hope and the culture-wide feeling of futility)
7:26 –  Understanding divorce rate statistics
8:53 –  Who is at a higher risk for divorce?
9:20 – The real divorce rate.
11:49 – Asking a stranger, “What percentage of marriages do you think are happy?”
14:40 – Will divorce make you happier?
17:54 – One thing women can assume in marriage – and it’s not necessarily good.
19:07 – Intoducing Shaunti’s domestic cat and Joy’s feral cats
20:20 – Answers to the question, “Are you generally happy about your marriage?”
22:28 – Married people, chill out!
23:49 – Dating people, chill out!
25:03 – How many care deeply about their spouse? 99.375%
27:22 – The game changer that Shaunti and Emerson both agree on + a story
29:55 – 180 pages can save a marriage
31:05 – When Joy read The Good News About Marriage
32:14 – Good news on divorce rates of people of faith
36:20 – Living in community and living relationships in the light
37:50 – Strengthsfinder 2.0
39:43 – Joy’s conspiracy theorist heart and debunking stats from the U.S. Census Bureau
43:57 – Sometimes it’s death, not divorce
45:31 – Sliding vs. deciding and living together before marriage
49:15 – Joy’s take on, “If you wouldn’t buy a used car without driving it, why would you not live together before marriage?”
49:57 – The perfect age for marriage
53:23 – Fear of marriage and spiritual talk
54:39 – Taking a step towards dating
55:48 – All of Shaunti’s books started with a fiction novel

_______

The divorce rate has been declining overall for years; it has declined 32% since its peak around 1980.

 -Shaunti Feldhahn,
The Good News About Marriage

_______

Hey! Shaunti has written a lot of books and studies. We’ve compiled alllllll of her books in a list for you.The Good News About Marriage - Shaunti Feldhahn

  • The Good News About Marriage
  • Surprising Secrets About Highly Happy Marriages
  • For Men Only
  • For Women Only
  • For Parents Only
  • For Young Women Only
  • For Young Men Only
  • The Life Ready Woman
  • For Women Only in the Workplace
  • The Male Factor
  • Made to Crave – Young Women
  • For Couples Only

_______

ShauntiShaunti Feldhahn received her graduate degree from Harvard University and was an analyst on Wall Street before unexpectedly becoming a social researcher and best-selling author.  Today, she applies her analytical skills to investigating eye-opening, life-changing truths about relationships, both at home and in the workplace.  Her groundbreaking research-based books, such as For Women Only, have sold more than 2 million copies in 23 languages and are widely read in homes, counseling centers and corporations worldwide.

Want Shaunti to speak at your church or leadership event? Click HERE. Find Shaunti’s website HERE and her blog HERE. She can also be found on Facebook HERE and Twitter HERE.

_______

DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?

CHECK OUT THESE RELATED ARTICLES:

Shaunti Feldhahn: “The Male Factor”

Ask Joy: Girl Power and Boy Belief

Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Deborah Tannen – Formal Lunch

Understanding Your Brain

Ask Joy: Cohabitation Conundrums

The Illumination Project

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13 Comments

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    • Heather thinks...

      Fascinating! Glad I took the time to watch.

      Reply| at |

      • Joy thinks...

        Thanks Heather – Glad you did too! The book is even better.

        Reply| at |

    • Lindsay thinks...

      This was encouraging to listen to–thanks to both of you. But now I have a question about the statistics regarding two specific demographics…
      If the 50% divorce rate is not true, what about the divorce rates for lawyers (60%) and those with Aspergers (may be as high as 80%)?
      – are these stats true?
      – if they are, does that in comparison to the true divorce rate percentages make it an even worse, and more discouraging, ratio?
      – if they aren’t true, how would I find information for what IS true?

      Reply| at |

      • Joy thinks...

        Hey Lindsay – great and interesting follow up questions. While I personally don’t know the answers, I would check out Shaunti’s book. She has this and another more exhaustive one coming out and has tons of references for research she studied and performed. I’m guessing you could hunt and find the answers there.

        Reply| at |

        • Caroline thinks...

          Hello Joy! I work on Shaunti’s team and I passed Lindsay’s question on to Shaunti. She had a long response (which I’ve already sent to Lindsay) written along with her senior researcher, Tally. I am going to publish that question & answer (anonymously, of course) on our blog later this week and when I do, I will pass on the link here. It’s a great nuance to discuss!

          Reply| at |

          • Joy thinks...

            Oh wow that is so kind of Shaunti to do! Look forward to reading the answer. Thanks~

            at |

          • Anonymous thinks...

            It was a kind thing to do. Thank you again, Caroline and Shaunti.

            at |

    • Caroline thinks...

      Ok, Joy et al — here is Shaunti’s response to Lindsay’s question: http://www.shaunti.com/?p=8136

      Reply| at |

    • Nancy Marie Stubbs thinks...

      I just finished writing about the same statistics Shaunti is talking about and as I had studied stats in university things didn’t always sound right. I did find the living together before marriage stats interesting and I found stats on less divorce among practising faith as opposed to nominally in a faith. As always God is a factor in our happiness and He wants the best for us.

      Reply| at |

    • DeLynn thinks...

      I am sitting here with tears running down my face, thank you!!! I am married for the third time, my first marriage as a teenager ended in divorce and my second marriage of 23 years ended in widowhood. I am now happily remarried. But have been having this thought hanging over my head, that statistically we won’t survive!! Thank you for this truth, I can’t wait to share this with my husband! Will buy the book.

      Reply| at |

      • Joy thinks...

        Wow, DeLynn this is so powerful and encouraging to hear. I am going to share your words with Shaunti! It is Good News indeed!

        Reply| at |

      • Caroline thinks...

        DeLynn, that is so encouraging to hear!!! I passed your comment on to Shaunti (I work on her team) and she said it was so sweet. 🙂 May God bless your marriage with many happy years!!

        Reply| at |

      • Caroline thinks...

        DeLynn, Shaunti wanted to know if you would be willing for your comment to be a testimonial on her website. It would be anonymous with no name or email attached. Please let me know if you’d be willing to let us share your story to encourage others! Thanks.

        Reply| at |

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