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“Is she The One?'”
“I’ve found The One!”
“He definitely wasn’t The One.”
For as long as I’ve been doing Love and Respect Now, and probably for years before, “The One” debate has always been a hot topic. Recently my father and I were interviewed by Relevant Magazine on things the Church has gotten wrong about dating. This question inevitably came up.Photo Credit: Sarah Oskay
The night before the interview I had been with a friend who grew up in a church setting that prophesied and TOLD you who you would marry. No pressure, folks. If someone came toward me to lay a hand on me in prayer for THAT reason, you can imagine I would be ducking and dodging like a game of Whack-A-Mole. Some of you don’t subscribe to that extreme of a view, but you still believe God means for you to be with that “one and only” person.
Here’s the thing: You might be right. I don’t think it’s necessarily a black and white issue because we don’t know exactly how God works. However, based off what I can see in Scripture, I tend to believe I could be married to multiple men (hopefully one at a time).
1. Scripture says nothing about God having only one person for us.
2. It DOES say in I Corinthians 7, if a woman becomes a widow she is, “free to marry who she wishes, so long as it is in the Lord.”
What seems to be important to God’s heart is that I choose wisely based on what I say I believe, and trust that His words about marriage are a tool to refine us and a gift to show us His love.
The motivation behind a person’s desire for “The One” is commendable, and I would imagine stems from the words in Song of Solomon 3–“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” However this passage still seems to imply that she has made a choice. Once our soul, heart and mind has said, “I Do,” then it seems to me we should all move forward as if he or she is “The One.”
In the interview, my father said something that I had NEVER heard him talk about before. He said,
“When people ask me about ‘The One,’ I often ask, ‘Why are you asking this question?’ Because if they get ‘Yes’ as an answer, then they think that it will somehow make dating, engagement or the process or marriage easier.”
In other words, if we think there’s only one, then we will either sit back and wait for “The One” to come to us, or we will look for anything and everything to disprove that someone is “The One.” Taking it further into marriage, when it gets rough we might convince ourselves that we have to leave, because obviously we were wrong about them being “The One.”
Our personalities can play a big part in how we make decisions, and sometimes we try to twist and turn theology or God’s heart in order to support what feels safest to us.
I’m no theologian, but we probably shouldn’t do that.
Finding a formula may make things easier for the moment, but when it abdicates us from being thoughtful and prayerful in our decisions to be or stay with someone, then we aren’t seeking wisdom–we’re actually being lazy.
From my one and only heart,
Guess what?!?! Today is my 500th published post. Because of that and how much I like you, leave a comment and I will pick a winner and send you a FREE COPY of Love and Respect and a YEAR-LONG SUBSCRIPTION to Relevant Magazine!
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