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I’m going to answer this question line by line. So if you want to get the gist of her question, then read all the non-bolded lines first. It’s a game for your eyeballs. You’re welcome.
First order of Biz: Men, I would LOVE for you to say what you think this man might be thinking from your perspective. And I would also say to you men, if you find yourself doing something similar to the dude she describes, I just want to let you in on a little secret..
ANY information you can relay can be so helpful if you are in an ambiguous relationship. Even if that information is, “I’m processing things right now, but I want you to know I AM thinking about our friendship, relationships or whatever this might or should be…”
Even stating your lack of clarity will give some level of confidence to the other person because at least they know you are thinking about it which lets them feel a little less like they are taking crazy pills.
I may simply be answering Kristin’s question based on my own experiences, but hopefully what I’ve learned will help.
Men: I present to you, the making of taking crazy pills…Photo Credit: Ian Pratt
I met a guy about five months ago and really like him.
YEAH! That’s fun.
I didn’t really want to like anyone, because I didn’t want to be open to emotional hurt and rejection, but prayed about it and felt that God was leading me to let my walls down around this guy.
That’s a step in the right direction! Letting our walls down can lead us to getting hurt, but it’s also the route to being known. Way to knock down dem’ walls!
We have grown a lot closer over the past five months, but I am not sure how he feels about me.
I’ve been there.
He calls or texts almost every day wanting to spend time with me, but has never made any comments about liking me romantically. He always texts or calls me first to see what I want to do and then invites the rest of our close friends to join.
I can safely say, he likes you–but to what extent, I’m not sure. He obviously likes you MORE than the other friends in the group since you get the first call and get to make the party-planning shots! He’s obviously wanting to know you more.
I don’t understand why he wants to spend time with me if he doesn’t like me…
I repeat, he does.
…and I don’t really want to have a “defining the relationship” conversation because a) I don’t want to initiate it, I think the man should and b) I don’t think that those types of conversations ever lead to relationships, only awkwardness in a friendship.
a) I talk about the pro’s and con’s of pursuit in the series I have listed below, but I wouldn’t necessarily equate him initiating this type of conversation as a make or break on what type of man he is. Yes, there is great comfort and confidence that comes when someone makes their intentions clearly known. But have grace for a couple things:
b) I would disagree. It could be the very thing that just opens the door for him to feel confident that you are interested. Check out what Tim Keller’s wife did in the “Feelings for a Friend” post I also have listed below.
At the same time, it is driving me crazy emotionally to have him flirt with me and seek my attention and time without knowing if he likes me. I don’t know how to guard my heart and yet be emotionally vulnerable and open to a relationship with him at the same time.
This is a tough tension, but watch the “Guarding Your Heart” video as I think that will help give you clarity on what that really means.
Well, everything I said above… but also the reality that you might get hurt. You might live in ambiguity for months and months or you might have a conversation and he might get weird. Either way, you know that you like him and he’s the type of man you want to pursue something with so for that, you will just have to keep your heart open. But remember, if it DOESNT work out, that doesn’t necessarily mean you guys did something wrong. We date and get to know people and in that we should hopefully gain more insight about ourselves, others, and God’s unique design of relationships, but you can’t find that out if you start stacking those bricks and building those walls back up.
From my heart that has stacked a few bricks in my day,
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