My best friend currently lives in another state. We’re both married, and though we’ve visited and have done stuff as couples, my best friend wants me to come visit for some “girl time.” When I asked my husband if I could go, he flipped out and shut down, saying, “You want to go without me? Fine. Go right now.”
My husband and I always do everything together. Am I wrong for wanting to have some “me time” and hang out with my friend? How should I approach this with him?
Good news, my dad and I are back…
As we talk about in the video, this question clearly holds a deeper issue than a simple “girl time vs. me time” argument. There seems to be some sort of fear on your husband’s part, and as a couple, it’s important to take this situation as an opportunity to go deeper into these insecurities.
Because girl time is important. For your sake and his.
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Oh that’s so good to hear. I recently was wondering if that was helpful or not for people. I know it helps me personally so I’m glad to know it’s helpful for you too. Thanks for saying something, Betsy!
I like it too, Joy. I expect it taps into the thing about learning with more than one stimuli at a time – in this case, seeing and hearing the words.
I really appreciate your dad’s comments here. A friend of ours is dealing with something kinda similar to this and his comments regarding dealing with the husband really cleared up for me what needs to be addressed. We are not in a position to be of much help as yet, but this is something to remember in case the mentoring aspect ever does open up for us. Thanks!
What about “he’s not wrong…just different”? Or in this case just has a fear or a past hurt that needs to be worked through? We all know the issue is rarely the topic that starts the crazy cycle spinning. This guy probably isn’t crazy…he’s probably flawed like the rest of us. She really needs to stay home and show respect until they can get to the bottom of it. If she exerts her power…her “rights”…she’s just going to widen the gap between them. She can be right and stay home. He is the leader of their family, right? (I like your videos with your dad.)
Glad you like the videos with my dad, Elaine. There are a few more coming down the pipeline for ya. (-:
I think the tough thing is that in an effort to save time I don’t always read the novel/emails I get which tend to give more details. And I think one of the fears that we have with the Love and Respect message is that some men will manipulate what it means to actually lead. To be a leader, or servant leader as Scripture would depict would not make irrational requests of a wife like this man seems to be making. I think what my father and I were trying to say is what you said—that yes, this irrational request to never want his wife to do anything without him speaks to a far deeper wound that needs to be addressed. Her wanting to go see her friend does not have to be her exerting her “rights” in any defiant way at all. But showing respect doesn’t mean that she has to stay locked in her home and only do things with her husband either. That is not normal nor healthy as my father was explaining. She, and all wives should have healthy relationships with other women. Showing respect in this situation means that “how” she confronts what appears to be a deeper issue of insecurity or trust. She should do so respectfully and in a manner of seeking to understand where his fear is coming from instead of just disregarding his fears or insecurities and leaving. So yes, she should stay for now in an effort to actively seek help in getting to the root of this issue, but I don’t believe her role is to just ignore the situation that does not set right with her, and doesn’t set right with my father or me either. Her husbands request is irrational.
Betsy thinks...
It just struck me watching this video that I appreciate the way you highlight words of importance / interest during your videos. For me, that’s helpful because it keeps me on track and helps me to see the important points of a video. Thanks!
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