(Note: If you miss Saved By The Bell, then you’re going to want to watch this video for nostalgia’s sake.)
Joy,
I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I am looking for one. I’ve tried online dating and I went out with two girls, but both said it wasn’t a really good match.
I am afraid that I am running out of time. I don’t want to be that guy who is 35 and has no one.
What can I do? The girls I send messages to online don’t write back.
-Paul
________
Hey Paul,
Only one person is going to work out. It can get discouraging because you’re putting in the effort, but if you’ve only been out with two girls, see it as practice and keep trying. Work on your social skills. Get good at asking questions. Get some wise people in your life to give you feedback. Maybe even, errr, go out on a practice date with your mom??
Oh, and don’t forget to engage the practice conversation at the end. Just respond to my comments, because this is exactly what going on a date with me would be like. (I know. I can’t believe I’m still single, either.)
From my Zach Morris-loving heart,
Joy
DID YOU LIKE THIS POST?
CHECK OUT THESE RELATED ARTICLES
Where the Singles At?? Guest Post: Renea McKenzie
Why Am I Socially Awkward? How To Not Puke At Parties
Your Life Begins Today, Not at the Altar: Katelyn Beaty — Illumination Guest
Love and Respect (Now) is a division of Love and Respect. Please be considerate.
From My Heart
All of the Love and Respect Now Posts…In One Place!
Emerson & Sarah Eggerichs on Marriage, Parenting, Family of Origin, Work & Death
Fighting for Love (and Other Potentially Hazardous Cliches)
Do. Everything. Exactly. Like. I. Did. (Then send your notes back to me…)
Joy, THAT is a great answer. I can still remember those dates I talked too much about me and failed to ask much of anything of my date. There were also those dates where she asked a lot of questions and I spent the evening answering them RATHER than spinning the direction of the conversation off myself and asking questions of her. Those were huge fails on my part. It’s embarrassing to write this. . . . I even remember the lighting in the rooms at those different 1st date adventures. Just picture me walking to my front door of the house after dropping her off at her home and hitting myself in the head like Tommyboy.
That’s a beautiful image-haha! Love me some Farley.
I think you are spot on with social skills, Joy. Most guys act plain weird with women, we are awkward, nervous, tongue tied and most of us are either totally NOT being ourselves or we ARE being ourselves and either way, we need to change (approach or our character).
I think if this guy is a totally normal guy with good character and decent social skills, perhaps dating (aka. The job interview) is not the best approach. Perhaps meeting women in a ministry, mission trip or fellowship activity is best. One on one is so pressured and often fake and tests social skills more than tests compatibility (same reason why job interviews are not all that effective).
And your comment that you only need to find ONE, great advice. He just needs to get good support around him because rejection is tough and can affect future dates.
Thanks Mike — good insight and ideas! But trust me, women can be just as weird. Meeting new people can just be plain awkward all around. Especially if the reality is that both parties are meeting because of the possibility of romance. No. Pressure. (-:
I think Joy has been spending too much time watching Real Housewives…
🙂
Hilarious “practice date”!
Haha, more like I’ve spent too much time looking into personality disorders. (-:
Hi Joy,
I have really enjoyed your blog posts. Thank you for putting so much of yourself into this work.
As a woman who has dabbled in online dating, off and on, for the past year. I would suggest to your letter writer that he be sure his profile is detailed and interesting. I have seen far too many profiles where the man has almost nothing to say and writes: ” If you have any questions just ask” Why would I have any questions when I have virtually no information to begin with ? Also, to be sure his profile doesn’t come across as either desperate or negative. Both are very unattractive. One more thing, I am far more likely to respond to a message which is well written and says why this guy is interested in getting to know me; then I am to something like: “Hi, how r u ?”
God Bless. Happy Thanksgiving!
This is so good! Very helpful Justine. (For me as well… I’ve been known to be a little too sarcastic and I don’t think it represents me well. haha.)
Haha that last part was hilarious! you’re awesome, Joy!
Just tapping into my inner psychopath! Thanks. (-:
“Nancy I’ve got those documents!”
Thank you for noting the most important parts of the video. All I can hope is that I make a difference… #faxlife
I just want to share some thoughts with Paul as we are about the same age and I’m single as well. I have never done the online dating thing before so I can’t say much about that. But I’m very outgoing and very active in my young adult group. I meet people all the time and most of them are females. I go out here and there one and one and I really try to enjoy just getting to know someone and not so much on if they will be my future girlfriend or not. It takes the pressure off of me and makes the night out more enjoyable for both of us. I find that most people have a hard time communicating their feelings. If there is a girl I’m interested in and I start to be more intentional in getting to know them, I find some of them do have a tendency to withdraw instead of letting me know theie true feelings. It’s usually because they aren’t interested in me or they might have their own insecurities they are dealing with. At your age (mid 30’s), most people have been through a string of bad dating experiences and you have to be a little patient with that. I try not to be pushy with them and will keep the door open for a later opportunity. I have found that most of the girls that I have gone on a date with will go out with me again later down the road (hopefully not because they couldn’t find anything better out there – haha). I just want to encourage you to keep putting yourself out there (more in public than online), have fun meeting people and try not to focus too much on if she is your future or not. You will get discouraged from time to time, but remember there are two people involved and you don’t know what is going on their world. Good luck!
Haha.. I see a typo. This is why the school teachers I go out with don’t call back 🙂
This is SUPER helpful and great insight Travis. Thanks for sharing from your experience and I am sure this guy will be encouraged.
Jennifer Adams (@JenN__Adams) thinks...
HA! You make a great Kelly Kapowski. Your friend was crazy! She may have just cost you a shot with your Zack Morris! 🙂
Oh and the theatrics at the end! I feel so much more prepared to date well!! I took notes so I could follow your lead on my next date.
| at |