For those of you who ask what books I recommend, I have one I would like to highlight today. My mother’s close friend Marilyn Hontz has written an excellent book on the topic of shame. I want to be clear however: I am not promoting this book because she is my mother’s friend. I am telling you about the book because it is powerful. Through sharing stories of her childhood, Marilyn opens up about how certain small yet significant moments affected her adult life. She …
Paul is a friend from Westmont College. You may remember his face from a guest post I did with him a while back. We have a mutual love of Double Dare, Marc Summers and many other glorious staples of the 90’s. He has a great spin on “the one” topic that I wanted to share with you today. I also hope you will check out his site www.allgroanup.com for some great articles and resources on the topics many “post grads” face today. Paul has written …
Today I am guest posting over at my friend, Preston Yancey’s blog, as part of a series about “the beautiful, mangled Church.” He’s featuring over 50 amazing writers, so be sure to check out the entire conversation, which is entitled At the Lord’s Table. Enjoy! Church: Starring a Simple Cast I respect people who have intellectual reasons for walking away from the church. Not because I agree, but because I can empathize and grapple with questions, too. But then I dig deeper, and usually the …
If you are reading this on Valentine’s Day morning, then my guess is you are probably at work and avoiding the actual work that… AAAHHHHHHH! Your boss is standing right behind you! And you are reading something about making love! OK, so that was awkward. So now it’s noon, and you were so impressed with my psychic skills from earlier this morning that you are now in your car eating a PB&J (or Hot Pocket since you sometimes get crazy on holidays) and reading my …
Recently I spoke at Belmont University and later that afternoon did an “Ask Joy” session with students. This is probably my favorite aspect of my job. I love hearing from you all through the site, but there’s something about seeing your face, hearing your questions, and then getting to respond to you with an answer that results in you lying on the floor in the fetal position. It’s the BEST! I heart my job and inflicting psychological damage on you all! But, seriously, there were …
To My Unmarried Friends: One of the ways I want you to know that I value you – my generation – is by inviting you to come to a live Love and Respect Conference. My mom always says that God made us male and female, not husband and wife. So even though this is a “marriage conference” you can learn so much about the opposite sex by attending. I want you to be there, and if you can make it, I’ll have a gift waiting …
I had always heard about this “Mike Foster” character but was finally Twitterduced through our mutual friend and creative mastermind, Jeff Shinabarger. Jeff had seen my video on fantasy and thought the message of grace I proposed was something Mike would be interested in checking out. Mike is a passionate, driven man and the co-founder of an organization called People Of The Second Chance (or “POTSC” in some remote regions). After a recent inspiring chat with Ashley from POTSC we decided the messages of Love …
Today you can read my “love story” in a guest post I did for my friend, Diane. Diane is the Director of Women’s Ministry for a local church here in Portland. She is also, among other things, a pastor’s wife, mother and beautiful writer. My mother and I solidified a bond of friendship with Diane and her daughter Elizabeth when we spoke at their church’s women’s retreat a couple summers ago. It was an honor, a blast and a lot of estrogen. My friend – who …
I made the mistake of asking my friend, Val to do a guest post for me. Why you ask? Because she is an incredible writer and chose to re-open my wounds to the world. Thanks, Val. OK, I am being slightly dramatic, but it was weird how quickly her writing took me back to that place of pain I was in when we met. I was however, comforted to see how in the midst of my brokenness, when I felt I had nothing to give, …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #1 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #3 Caveat corner: Do not read my words below and use them as an excuse to open an unhealthy door you know you shouldn’t. In my work I’ve found that it’s often the people who need to be separated from their exes who are the ones finding all the excuses in the world to BE friends with their …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question # 1 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2 Question If we are always hanging out together, will anyone else ever ask me out? My Response Last year I was flipping through the channels and landed on some show whose title is escaping me. My gut tells me it was The Tyra Banks Show. I know. I wish I couldn’t remember either. There were two “dating experts” being interviewed. I use dating …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question # 1 Question My friend has feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same. Now what? My Response Let me preface my response by acknowledging that I responded to the first Friends Post with questions, and am doing it again here. You’re sick of thought-provoking lists, I KNOW. I promise this is the last time. The other posts are going to be full of free lottery tickets, Caribbean cruise giveaways, and …
We’ve all heard the question “can guys and girls be friends?” Can you? (If you missed the introduction to this series, start HERE.) There are four levels of friendship: 1. acquaintance 2. casual 3. close 4. intimate Not defining what type of friendship we are talking about is what has made the “can guys and girls be friends?” question so widely debated. All the possible scenarios can make you want to gouge out your eyeballs with a fork. You will have to figure out what …
First of all, I titled this post. I’m guessing Renea would never end a sentence with the word “at” or use a double question mark. She’s far too classy. I’ve asked Renea to write about her experience at a Love and Respect conference. Why? Because I urge all my friends to go to a conference, REGARDLESS of their status. And I think you should too. Yes, it’s entitled a “marriage” conference, but doctors don’t start performing surgery without going to med school, right? So, if …
I’ve had an interesting revelation lately. When I’m injured, I’m reminded I am single. Natural correlation, right? Injured tailbone, foot, and now shoulder. Back-to-back-to-back. Everything was bearable but enough pain to keep me from biking much at all this summer. And sitting? Couldn’t do much of that for a month. As I was walking to church in a sling a couple Sundays ago, I started thinking about how I want to remember this feeling of “not having any help.” Sure, I have tons of wonderful friends (thanks, …
Ask Joy How can we respond to young people who want to live together before marriage? I am referring to my son and other friends in their late 20’s. I am trying to be quiet and work with it but it is very awkward. What do you say to young people about this topic? Would you recommend any books or speakers? My Response I want to answer this question looking at your relationship with your son and the people we deal with personally. My heart …
I am a loyalist…in friendships, relationships and, apparently, music. If anyone hears that Mary J. Blige will be on tour, 8th grade Joy will be there. My love for 90’s R&B aside, I have a band that I have listened to every album incessantly. I have attended five shows, and their band name, “Needtobreathe” comes up in my phone’s predictive text. That’s messed up. It all started one winter’s eve when some friends and I got free tickets to a show. One friend had heard of …
Guys: Since we know there may be varying opinions due to different personalities, I thought it might be good to directly ask you this question so you could shed some light for our female readers. It’s along the lines of the question I answered a few weeks ago in an Ask Joy Video. (See video here: Part One & Part Two) Ask Joy I met an amazing man last month who I really like a lot! How do I let him know I’m interested in …
Ask Joy I’ve been in a relationship with my best friend for over three years. Having others speak into our relationship is really important to me—but there’s just one problem: My sources of wise counsel disagree with each other! Half say I could do better, and the other half say that the uneasiness and uncertainty I’m feeling are because I have unrealistic expectations for relationships and men (which, I admit, I do have). How do I know which source of wise counsel is really the …
Book Review: The Male Factor by Stephanie Dost As a young woman, I find that love is something that comes naturally to me. Check. Respect, on the other hand, is something I have to work on. Lucky for me, I work with mostly middle-aged men and have a close relationship with my dad, so I get to practice all the time. Recently, I decided to read a book by Shaunti Feldhahn called “The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in …
Ask Joy I have a friend who is currently dating someone who is not a Christ follower. She knows I disapprove and, because of this, I haven’t really talked to her in months because I don’t want to hear about their relationship. Am I wrong in not speaking to her? I don’t know how to be a friend without her thinking I’m OK with them dating. My Response It’s good that you are trying to figure out how to be her friend; however, not …
This summer I attended what I imagine business people calling a “power lunch.” I was invited by the core team of 4-Word women. All the other women were in their work attire, and I showed up with my bike helmet. Oops. One of the incredible women I met was Stephanie. Thanks to my helmet in tow, I found out she also loves to ride. We set out on our bikes one day after work and found ourselves in Camas, Washington breaking for dinner at the fantastic Twilight …
The flower I brought you this morning. Alberta told me to keep it as a reminder of you. Dear June, I’m sitting in my office a little stunned thinking, “I should have gone to visit on Saturday or Sunday.” I know you wouldn’t want me to live in shame, but I do feel an overwhelming sadness at losing you so quickly. I will find your family so I can tell them how much you meant to me, but right now I want to write out …
With my recent trip to Oxford, I have had C.S. Lewis on the brain. I want to continue the conversation inspired by his writings in Mere Christianity, and would love to hear your take on “the thrill.” Part II: The Thrill People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on ‘being in love’ forever. As a result, when they find they are not, they think this proves they have made a mistake and are …
Since I just traveled to Oxford and spent time spying on C.S. Lewis’s home, college and almost every pub he dined in, I thought it only fitting that I highlight a couple parts from his chapter titled “Christian Marriage” in Mere Christianity. I suggest you read the whole chapter but I have noted a few of my own thoughts and would love to hear yours! Part I: On Love What we call ‘being in love’ is a glorious state, and, in several ways, good for …
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