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Ask Joy I’m turning 30 soon and I am single. All of my close relationships are with couples. Ideally I would love to be in a community where men and women, older and younger, married and single, connect. But because it seems as though my friends have just kind of accepted me as the single girl, no one seems interested or available to help connect me with any single men. Am I expecting too much from my close friends? My Response I admire that you …
End of Part 3: …Sex can become casual and free of intimacy for both of us, but how it gets to that point is through different hijackings and perversions of our most intimate design. How are we hijacked? I’ll tell you tomorrow… * Part 4: I believe an understanding of our different designs can hijack sex… It’s my understanding that the visual environment we live in can be more of a temptation for men, and I want women to be aware and have compassion and …
On Monday and Tuesday I answered two Ask Joys pertaining to why men lust and why women aren’t as attracted to the male body. Many women seemed pleased with my acknowledgment that yes, we women are sexual beings, and yes, we do notice a hot man. Others felt that I might be implying that it is OK for women to lust over men. I wanted to be clear about my personal beliefs. You are FREE to believe something else, but this is what I have …
Yesterday a woman asked, “Why do men lust?” I let my father help tackle the question and he challenged the woman to look at the bigger picture by saying, “In the wisdom of God, all good things have the potential for a dark side.” He encouraged the woman to look at her own fears as a comparison. We asked her to trust God in the face of things that don’t always make sense to us — which is especially hard to do when it’s in …
Ask Joy Why did God create men to lust? I hate it that he has to “turn away.” I suppose it’s because I can’t understand it. I am completely fulfilled with my man. There is zero attraction for me when a hot guy hits on me. So my question is, why? Is there a purpose? I think if I understood it a bit more in a biblical sense, I wouldn’t find myself taking it so personally. My Response How many hot guys are hitting on …
Ask Joy My friend and her husband have been married less than a year. Recently they’ve had some of their worst spats via text message. Hearing it is almost laughable, if it weren’t so nasty. Needless to say, they haven’t read Love and Respect or any marriage books. How do you encourage couples who may be starting out on the wrong foot without sounding preachy? My Response “Bill, Nancy… I’m concerned. Lately I have been going through your phones when you were in the bathroom …
Respect and belief. Think about the men in your life. Your father, brother, boyfriend, husband, friend, co-worker. What makes them tick? What are their passions? Don’t know? Then ask or observe. As you start to ask questions, I believe you’ll begin to understand what drives them, and the things that bother you about them will begin to make more sense. As you know, I believe respect is a huge need in the soul of a man. I also believe it has culturally been removed because …
“Cynicism is not activism” is one of my favorite quotes from author Patton Dodd. I love it because it forces me to think about what I am doing in this life rather than what I am complaining about. While the trigger for criticism and action can be the same thing… Cynicism is easy. Activism is hard. We can’t change men. Only God can. But I believe we can be agents of change, used by God to restore a belief in the male population. I think …
Have you ever been confused by the opposite sex? Hurt by a relationship? Felt fearful of marriage? I have too. I find myself wanting to validate and name my pain so I can bring clarity to the confusion. MEN ARE TO BLAME. Peter is passive. Alan is abusive. Darrel is stuck in delayed adolescence. Willy only cares about work. Billy never asks any girls out. What is wrong with him? Johnny has asked out every girl in the office. What is wrong with him? …
I’m tired of hearing about marriage and men. Uh, Joy, I thought that was your job, vocation, calling, love, and passion? It is. And I shouldn’t say tired of it; rather, I am tired of the bad rap men get in articles, shows, and conversations in which the attitude is that marriage is failing, men are failing, the sky is falling, etc. But, Joy, research shows that marriage is falling apart and that all the good men are gone. The Wall Street Journal said so. …
Earthlings, I am honored by all of the Ask Joy submissions that I receive. I’ve been brainstorming different ways to try and tackle more, and trust me–I am VERY excited about some of the possibilities. But until the day where I can sit next to Anderson Cooper and answer your questions via a CNN broadcast, I thought I would throw some of my work at y’all. I would love to hear how YOU would respond to these questions. And make sure you check back if …
Ask Joy My boyfriend of 3+ years just broke up with me because we have different plans. I thought I would be OK, but it feels like my heart is actually breaking. Do I give up my plans to follow him or do I tough it out and just pray that this pain I feel will go away? My Response I wish I could sit down and have a conversation with you. My heart breaks that you are in such pain. I know that pain. …
Not too long ago I spoke at a university’s chapel. After the event finished, some of the students came up to talk with me. One guy very formally shook my hand and told me he was part of the “Entrepreneurial Club.” He looked at me with the intensity of a car salesman and told me I did “an excellent job.” (The conversation went something like this…) “Thank you. I appreciate that.” “Have you ever considered doing something on your own?” “What do you mean?” “Well, …
Ask Joy #1 A guy who has come to my church’s college group only twice has asked me out on a date. Is it ideal for me to go out with him and get to know him, or is it too soon? My Response If he wears a ski mask and/or has a hook for a hand, yes…it’s too soon. There is nothing right or wrong with this situation; however, you may want to ask yourself a few questions and pray for discernment. 1) Do …
I grew up with hymns. I like good music. I love worshiping the Lord. If you fall into any of those categories, you might enjoy the band PAGE CXVI. My friend Kathy talks about her discovery of the band and the meaning of it’s name in this post. For awhile I was calling it PAGE C90-X. Unfortunately, listening to it will not give you rockin’ biceps. So far PAGE CXVI has three albums. I have inserted songs to give you a preview. I was intrigued …
Ask Joy I am a 20-year-old woman, in school, working part-time, and dancing every day. I am completely happy with myself, inside and out. The only thing I feel is missing in my life is a relationship. I’ve actually never been in a relationship. I date, but it falls through every time. I keep searching for this “spark” or connection and seem to be having trouble finding it. I know I don’t need a guy to make me happy, but I still want to find …
It is truly an honor to be posting on the Imago Dei Women’s blog. I have attended for five years now and have been deeply fed and transformed by the community I call my church home. What Do I Know? I recently attended Imago’s marriage forum—as an unmarried person. Thankfully, there was a big chunk of other singles attending as well. And no, we weren’t there to hit on each other. I hope. Although, I won’t lie; there was a guy in the singles breakout …
When I observe the blogging world, I imagine starting a gang. One day Tyler Stanton tweeted that someone had written an “open letter” about him. I had never heard about this in blogging-dom and I thought… “Hmm, who writes open letters? That’s bold. I wonder if he carries a knife in his boot?” When I clicked on the link, the picture of Tyler was a little too close and a little too large for my liking, so I quickly scrolled down. That is when I …
Ask Joy Will there ever be a point in a relationship where you will feel free of doubt and be 100 percent ready to choose to commit? My Response For some people, yes, but I think that’s more indicative of a personality trait than whether something is right or wrong with the other person. Regardless of personality and feelings, it’s more important to say, “Am I free to date this person based on what Scripture tells me?” Then… Based on your personality, you can decide …
This week on the Love Is site, the question is: How does commitment play into relationship success? February’s Ebony magazine focuses on Couples with Purpose and has the Obamas on the cover. Eighteen years ago, Barack Obama promised his fiance Michelle that their married life would be nothing if not interesting. “In these two, we recognize full commitment; the kind of commitment that takes the ‘what if…’ out of the equation.” How do you think commitment play into relationship success? CLICK HERE TO SEE MY …
1) I associate Valentine’s Day more with candy and the colors pink and red than love. 2) I am amused by the very vocal, bitterly single people on Valentine’s Day. It secretly makes me chuckle because I want to say, “Hmmm…why do you think you are single?” 3) Maybe I lied about “secretly” chuckling since I just told the World Wide Webular. 4) I like red roses. Many women like to say they don’t, but when they get them, I think they secretly like them. …
Ask Joy What does the Bible say about pre-marital sex? My Response 1. Turn off your computer. 2. Now your iPod. 3. Yup, iPhone too. 4. Turn off the TV. The Miracle Mop infomercial isn’t going anywhere. 5. Stand up. 6. Do 15 jumping jacks. DON’T ASK WHY, JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU! 7. Walk the 3 feet to your bookshelf or the 3 blocks to the library. 8. You chose the Library? Nice. Now whisper. This is a library for heaven’s sake. 9. …
Ask Joy I have three different friends who are engaged or are getting engaged. Honestly, I am so happy for them. But my issue is that all my friends have pity on me. Why? Not because I am single, but because I have been dating the same guy for five years. The reason we haven’t gotten married is simply a financial issue. Honestly, we don’t want to go into marriage having to borrow money from our parents. The job market has been scarce, and my …
Ask Joy I have this friend. He is my best friend. We write music together, build websites together, and do cooking shows together. We’ve been friends for three years. I’ve started developing strong feelings for him. I don’t know if I should have these feelings. I am really attracted to his heart and to him, but I don’t know if he likes me. I am keeping quiet about it. I want him to start it because he is the man and I think the guy …
Apparently I am a Love Guru. Says who? This site: Loveishere.com Then why don’t you have five husbands? Exactly what I said. Until that glorious day arrives, I will have to settle for the title of “Love Guru” on the Love Is Here site which is dedicated to strengthening relationships. The site can tailor to the user depending on if they are single, engaged or married. I am humbled and honored to sit among the names of actual experts. (You know, people with a “Dr.” …
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