Ask Joy Emotional and physical issues get ninety-nine percent of the attention when it comes to talking about relationships, but what do you think about spiritual intimacy inside a dating relationship? Do you think the sky is the limit, or should we save some spiritual intimacy to be enjoyed for the first time as a married couple? As an example, I think communion taken as a couple should be done as man and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend. But that’s just personal preference; I have …
Ask Joy If the relationships you had didn’t have any major red flags, why did you end them? What made you finally say “this isn’t working” as opposed to working through it? My Response I don’t think that I ever have said that I ended my relationships, and second of all that they didn’t have red flags. I’ve had both. I’ve had relationships that had red flags that I needed to get out of, and other relationships that didn’t have red flags, we just decided, …
Ask Joy What is an ideal first date? My Response I was recently asked this question when speaking to a group of students at the College of William & Mary, and then a couple of guys have asked similar questions this week. Men, give yourself a hearty slap on the back for wanting to know what an ideal date would be for a woman, but, as I said to the guy at William & Mary, “I can’t speak for all women, but, off the top …
Today I have asked one of my best friends to share her thoughts on marriage and “being in love” based on a conversation we had this fall when we went camping. Yes, we went camping. Yes, it was just the two of us. And yes, I laid awake all night holding onto my pellet gun and an unsheathed knife. We were not alone. Outside of our camping fails, Lisa is one of my wisest friends. I love the way she thinks and the logic in …
Hello again, for the third time. Can I just say that I absolutely hate this topic? This whole thing that we’re addressing about the words in Scripture that the “husband is the head” and the “wife is to submit.” I absolutely hate this stuff. But I want to address it because I feel like I missed it for so long. I didn’t understand it so I disregarded it. And I think so many of us don’t understand it so we either manipulate it, we miss it …
Ask Joy In the last video I answered a question from a girl who was asking what book she and her fiance should read to prepare for marriage. They believe in mutual submission and love, and don’t agree with the husband being the head and the wife being submissive. And I totally relate with that stuff because those are the passages in scripture that leave me asking, “what in the world does this mean?!” What is this actually saying? My Response I don’t know. I …
Ask Joy My fiance and I are looking for books to read as we prepare for marriage. Do you know of anything that isn’t completely based on the man being the leader and the wife being submissive? We believe in mutual submission and love and it’s hard to find any good resources out there. My Response I really want to get at the heart of your question: what is mutual submission and why are these words in the Bible like the “husband is the head” …
Paul is a friend from Westmont College. You may remember his face from a guest post I did with him a while back. We have a mutual love of Double Dare, Marc Summers and many other glorious staples of the 90’s. He has a great spin on “the one” topic that I wanted to share with you today. I also hope you will check out his site www.allgroanup.com for some great articles and resources on the topics many “post grads” face today. Paul has written …
Today I am guest posting over at my friend, Preston Yancey’s blog, as part of a series about “the beautiful, mangled Church.” He’s featuring over 50 amazing writers, so be sure to check out the entire conversation, which is entitled At the Lord’s Table. Enjoy! Church: Starring a Simple Cast I respect people who have intellectual reasons for walking away from the church. Not because I agree, but because I can empathize and grapple with questions, too. But then I dig deeper, and usually the …
If you are reading this on Valentine’s Day morning, then my guess is you are probably at work and avoiding the actual work that… AAAHHHHHHH! Your boss is standing right behind you! And you are reading something about making love! OK, so that was awkward. So now it’s noon, and you were so impressed with my psychic skills from earlier this morning that you are now in your car eating a PB&J (or Hot Pocket since you sometimes get crazy on holidays) and reading my …
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Joy fireside chat. Here we are with our blazing flames and just a few close friends. (Actually it’s just me and the camera man.) Ask Joy This question was written in response to a three part series I did on The Art of Asking Questions. This person wanted me to offer some tangible questions to actually ask. So I will do that, because that’s such a great question… My Response Question Do you have any effective question-asking tips you …
Recently I spoke at Belmont University and later that afternoon did an “Ask Joy” session with students. This is probably my favorite aspect of my job. I love hearing from you all through the site, but there’s something about seeing your face, hearing your questions, and then getting to respond to you with an answer that results in you lying on the floor in the fetal position. It’s the BEST! I heart my job and inflicting psychological damage on you all! But, seriously, there were …
To My Unmarried Friends: One of the ways I want you to know that I value you – my generation – is by inviting you to come to a live Love and Respect Conference. My mom always says that God made us male and female, not husband and wife. So even though this is a “marriage conference” you can learn so much about the opposite sex by attending. I want you to be there, and if you can make it, I’ll have a gift waiting …
I had always heard about this “Mike Foster” character but was finally Twitterduced through our mutual friend and creative mastermind, Jeff Shinabarger. Jeff had seen my video on fantasy and thought the message of grace I proposed was something Mike would be interested in checking out. Mike is a passionate, driven man and the co-founder of an organization called People Of The Second Chance (or “POTSC” in some remote regions). After a recent inspiring chat with Ashley from POTSC we decided the messages of Love …
Today you can read my “love story” in a guest post I did for my friend, Diane. Diane is the Director of Women’s Ministry for a local church here in Portland. She is also, among other things, a pastor’s wife, mother and beautiful writer. My mother and I solidified a bond of friendship with Diane and her daughter Elizabeth when we spoke at their church’s women’s retreat a couple summers ago. It was an honor, a blast and a lot of estrogen. My friend – who …
I made the mistake of asking my friend, Val to do a guest post for me. Why you ask? Because she is an incredible writer and chose to re-open my wounds to the world. Thanks, Val. OK, I am being slightly dramatic, but it was weird how quickly her writing took me back to that place of pain I was in when we met. I was however, comforted to see how in the midst of my brokenness, when I felt I had nothing to give, …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #1 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #3 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #4 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #5 Question My friend of the opposite sex is in a committed relationship now. Can we still be friends? My Response Questions Have you experienced this type of rare, special friendship? How can we gracefully transition the nature of our friendships through the various …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #1 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #3 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #4 Question My boyfriend (or girlfriend) has issues with me being friends with this particular person of the opposite sex. How should I handle it? My Response P.S. Here was yesterday’s Facebook preview for today’s post thanks to our video guy having too much time on his hands and too much …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #1 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #3 Caveat corner: Do not read my words below and use them as an excuse to open an unhealthy door you know you shouldn’t. In my work I’ve found that it’s often the people who need to be separated from their exes who are the ones finding all the excuses in the world to BE friends with their …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question # 1 Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question #2 Question If we are always hanging out together, will anyone else ever ask me out? My Response Last year I was flipping through the channels and landed on some show whose title is escaping me. My gut tells me it was The Tyra Banks Show. I know. I wish I couldn’t remember either. There were two “dating experts” being interviewed. I use dating …
Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Introduction Can Guys & Girls Be Friends? Question # 1 Question My friend has feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same. Now what? My Response Let me preface my response by acknowledging that I responded to the first Friends Post with questions, and am doing it again here. You’re sick of thought-provoking lists, I KNOW. I promise this is the last time. The other posts are going to be full of free lottery tickets, Caribbean cruise giveaways, and …
We’ve all heard the question “can guys and girls be friends?” Can you? (If you missed the introduction to this series, start HERE.) There are four levels of friendship: 1. acquaintance 2. casual 3. close 4. intimate Not defining what type of friendship we are talking about is what has made the “can guys and girls be friends?” question so widely debated. All the possible scenarios can make you want to gouge out your eyeballs with a fork. You will have to figure out what …
Ask Joy: Can guys and girls be friends? My Response: Well, there are approximately one million ways I could answer this question, so let’s kick off a “Friends” series, shall we? Questions: Do you think there is an answer to this question? Has this been a question in your own life? How did you answer? Coming up in this series: I like Sally, she doesn’t like me. Can we be friends? Sally likes me, and I don’t like her. Can we be friends? We are …
Ask Joy How can we respond to young people who want to live together before marriage? I am referring to my son and other friends in their late 20’s. I am trying to be quiet and work with it but it is very awkward. What do you say to young people about this topic? Would you recommend any books or speakers? My Response I want to answer this question looking at your relationship with your son and the people we deal with personally. My heart …
Ask Joy A person who wrote in recently found a quote, stating that “a girl’s heart should be so wrapped up in the Lord, that a guy should have to seek Him to find her.” And then she asked me if I agreed with that? My Response Questions Do you think it’s true that you can experience an “intimacy” with the Lord that supercedes anything you can experience with a person? Why or why not? Have you said or heard this quote yourself? How has …
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