Hi, Joy!
Recently I was talking to this guy and everything was going well. We had planned a date and everything. Out of nowhere, he just disappeared and blocked me on Facebook. Can you give guys advice on that? They cannot just disappear. They have to tell the girl they are not into them. I don’t think this is even a godly reaction. He is not putting the other person’s feelings before his. Please post on Facebook because he is on the Love and Respect Now page.
—Annie
I had never met someone whose heart understands to the same degree the passion and responsibility I feel for my work until Rachel came into my life. From the minute we first chatted on the phone to the all-you-can-eat sushi buffets, our conversations have happened at high speeds, with intensity, lots of nodding, big eyes, and eventual howls of laughter. When our work (God, relationships, and money—oh my!) isn’t being discussed, you might overhear Rachel trying to convince me that Taylor Swift is a legitimate artist.
Working in a predominantly male environment, how do I not become a “mini-man” like many of my female co-workers?
-Carly
First off Carly, I want to say that you are adequate for the job, because you got the job.
Often we misinterpret others perceptions of us, based on our own insecurities.
Hannah and I have a long history of friendship. And by long history, I mean we’ve had a few hours of in-person face time. I was at Catalyst, and my friend Jeff said, “Hey, you need to meet my friend Hannah.” Jeff is either really good at knowing who will hit it off or just gifted at figuring out how to ditch me,
…but, whatever his motivation, it worked.
Hannah and I sat in a corner, literally almost eyeball to eyeball, and talked for about three hours straight. Her boyfriend stopped by our conversation when we apparently
I have been talking to a guy from a dating website for about two months, and we decided we are going to finally meet. We are a few hours away from each other. Should I be helping him pay for his expenses? Gas and hotel? Or should I expect him to pay for it and put forth some effort? He appreciates if we can share the cost.
—Fiora Read more
Last week Dr. Ken Canfield wrote a piece on fathers and daughters. As I mentioned in the intro, my own father and Dr. Ken Canfield have been friends for over two decades. They support, sharpen and respect one another greatly. So when my father read Ken’s article last week, reporting the top ten questions women wanted to ask their dads, my father responded with ways he believes women could ask the questions and be more effective in communicating their hearts to the men in their life.
Formal lunch has nothing to do with lunch or with wearing a tuxedo.
Huh?
I know, I realize it’s a weird title, but it’s what I have decided to call the monthly research project.
Why?
A number of years ago, I lived in a community called, L’Abri. It was a place where you lived in intentional community, worked half the day, and studied half the day.
I met Ken when I was in the third grade. (For a photo of me circa third grade, scroll to the bottom of this page: Mothership.) My father was doing his PhD discertation on fathering and served on the board for the National Center for Fathering, which was started by Ken. Oodles of years later, Ken worked for Love and Respect doing research. When I started doing my own research, Ken was my mentor, advocate and encourager. Read more
I think I learned a lesson from The Bachelorette. Yes, I hate to admit that, but I think I did. Don’t get me wrong. I think the show is ludicrous, and it often makes me want to dry heave. (See this post from two years ago to get my exact sentiments on The Bachelor.) I’ve always seen the last few episodes of each season with friends who are engrossed in the show, which I lovingly refer to as “The Case for Polygamy.” They get annoyed with my …
I first heard Josh Hoke sing at my friend Annie’s house show last year. He and Annie did a duet and I was like, “Oh hello magical voices.” A fellow Portland dweller, mid-west native and former pastor’s kid, Josh and I have a few things in common. I’d like to add “and we are both musically gifted” but apparently playing the upright bass in 7th & 8th grade doesn’t qualify me for that title. Pumped to have you hear this guy’s voice. Ladies, don’t stumble. “I …
Hello friendlings, Are you aware that it’s wedding season? I have a challenge for those of us attending weddings, and for those who are getting married this year. The Question: Why do you attend weddings? Is it because it’s the one place you can go and dance the YMCA and not be judged? Or is it the Chocolate fountain? (How can you not admire the chocolate fountain?) The challenge to myself and the other attendees this season is to be more committed to our friends who …
If you combined the articulation and factual knowledge of a news anchor, the sarcasm and one-liners of your old crotchety neighbor, and the sass of a thirteen year old female into one, you would get my friend Anna. And that was just my first impression of her when we met at age 18. She got up in front of our freshman leadership class and gave a presentation with no trace of nerves, or reserve, for that matter. I was like, “who is this girl?! I like her.”
Years later she’s still bringing her knowledge and sass to the world and to the web.
Please welcome, my friend Anna, to the Illumination Project.
So yeah, there’s this girl I know. She’s amazing, but whenever I think about asking her out, I start to think that she’s too good for me.
So my question for you is, can someone be too good for somebody else?
-Matt Read more
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I will be featuring people who I have asked to create something around illumination. I hope that through their pieces, you might have light-bulb moments of your own. Let’s begin… Todd is my neighbor and fellow bike rider. In fact, we went on a ride one day, and I asked him to pick the route after saying, “Don’t pick a ride that is going to make my legs too tired. I’m speaking tomorrow and don’t want my legs to …
Hey, friendlings!
Finally, the new site is here. I’m pumped for you to explore and would love to know what you think. But, before we do anything else, I want to tell you about this project I have been working on, called The Illumination Project.
Hey, Everybody!
I just wanted to let you know that Love and Respect NOW is going dark for the month of June.
Don’t fear; we’ll be back in July.
The reason for going dark is because we’re transforming the site to be less about me and more about us as a community. There will be all kinds of ways for you to help and get involved.
Ask Joy: Hi, Joy, What is your opinion on cross-cultural relationships? —Derek My Response: Hey, Derek, Good question. My opinion on cross-cultural relationships is that they will pose unique obstacles that will cause the couple to ask many questions, one being, “Is it worth it?” You might be able to figure out if it’s worth it by asking the more specific question: “Do we want to understand both cultures to possibly create a home life someday that would embody traditions and characteristics that each of …
Ask Joy: Today’s question actually comes from a guy named Paul, who I like to call “Sweet Paul.” Paul wrote and said, “Hey, Joy, if you’re such an expert on relationships and marriage, why is it that you’re still not married?” My Response: I want to be open and honest with everyone about why I’m not married. I don’t mean to blame my brother, Jonathan, but it is his fault… Questions How do you respond internally to the question of why you are still single? …
It’s ironic that I have been sitting outside (yes, Portland finally hired the sun to make a late-spring appearance) writing about asking good questions and up skips “Charlotte” with her baby doll. When I asked if it was an infant, she said, “No, it’s a doll.” I like your logic, Charlotte. Charlotte is four, and during the time her mother was changing her little brother’s “poopie,” I learned a number of things about Charlotte. She’s “Four.” She’s “Just playing.” Her brother’s birthday is in June. …
Ask Joy I have a crush on my friend, but since we’ve been friends for so long, I don’t know how to say that my feelings have changed. I don’t want to ruin the friendship, so what should I do? My Response The “Ask Joy” above is a shortened version of many similar questions I have received. Men and women all at one point or another seem to find themselves with a friend who was always “just a friend”—who now suddenly looks a little different. …
Ask Joy I want to build a solid foundation of a relationship, but I don’t want to overwhelm a man with my emotions. My Response I first want to say that I don’t like that women get a rap for being overly emotional. I think both men and women were designed with strong feelings and sensitivities and emotions. But where we can see general differences is oftentimes in how women process their emotions, and how men process their emotions… Questions Have you ever experienced your …
Outside of having a hyper sensitivity to what I was doing all day Monday and wondering when the next alarm was going to go off (I’ve never gone to the bathroom so quickly) I was pumped by the response for #MMM. I think I could kiss a unicorn. Many thanks to all who participated, and now, the backstory… Recently I was having breakfast with my friends, Shannon and Melissa. Melissa is a N.I. (Non-Instagramer) and we were explaining to her that people now write #nofilter …
Hello, friends, earthlings, sons, and daughters, I know it’s human nature to want to know how to do something. Many of you often ask, “How do I show respect?” Or, “What does showing love practically look like?” While I often try to stay away from formulas and “Bill Nye the Science Guy” how-tos, I know it’s helpful from time to time to get ideas from other people, such as when I explained how a daughter could write a respect letter to a father. You don’t …
So, I have an idea… AMENDMENT!! I didn’t even think through the fact that #MMM was also used in every person’s yummy food photo. I’m so special. So make sure you tag the Love and Respect NOW page on Facebook, @loverespectNOW on Twitter or @joyeggerichs on Instagram. Here’s my video update on the Amendment. Sorry folks! Don’t forget (or question) the instructions: 1. Set six alarms for Monday, May 7th. 2. Take a picture of whatever is in front of you when alarms go …
Ask Joy: Hi, Joy, I’ve been dating someone for five years now, and he used to be married before, but his wife cheated on him, and he is divorced. He’s an amazing, God-fearing, caring, smart, and handsome man. But he has problems with anger… …even when we have small arguments, he’d always scream and then apologize. He has even raised his hands on me a few times, too. Just this week we had an argument in the car and he got really mad and hit …
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