Ask Joy Hey, Joy! So I am a strong and outgoing woman. I am not a shy person at all! When it comes to the relationship area, people are very inquisitive, and they all have opinions as soon as they find out I’m single. I have many friends who bemoan the fact that they are single and will jump at any chance to flirt. I think something might be wrong with me. All I do is make jokes about never getting married and say things …
Hi Friends, it’s me, Joy and I have some thoughts. Er, well someone smarter than me has some thoughts and I thought I would share those thoughts and you could tell me what you thought, or think, or thew. Coo? Yes, even you creepers who always read and never comment. I want to hear from YOU. Momma’s* watching. Dale S. Kuehne’s book, Sex and the iWorld, (odd title I know, but it makes sense when you read the book) is an interesting proposal of how …
Ask Joy I just got finished watching your “The One” series. I am currently in a relationship with an amazing man who loves the Lord and who loves me in good times and in bad. His love is so deep it’s almost crazy. I feel like I love him but not to the depth that he loves me. It makes me very anxious. I don’t want to marry someone I don’t love enough, but I also don’t want to lose this love. I’m on board …
Ask Joy I often hear people ask why so many men still play video games? My Response Let me tell you why people play video games. They’re fun. Questions Maybe it’s not video games, but do you have somewhere you go to find a win? Do you have something you do to “unwind” that’s shifting into a wound-hiding-habit? How can we know when an activity is actually a distraction for dealing with our broken reality?
Ask Joy: Recently, I was hanging out with a group of friends and having a great time when a guy we didn’t know came up to us and joined the conversation. I talked with him for a while and then drifted into other conversation. A good friend of mine who was there introduced herself but didn’t speak another word to him. The next day he asked her out. I don’t tell this story in an effort to throw myself a pity party, but I do …
Ask Joy Emotional and physical issues get ninety-nine percent of the attention when it comes to talking about relationships, but what do you think about spiritual intimacy inside a dating relationship? Do you think the sky is the limit, or should we save some spiritual intimacy to be enjoyed for the first time as a married couple? As an example, I think communion taken as a couple should be done as man and wife, not boyfriend and girlfriend. But that’s just personal preference; I have …
Ask Joy If the relationships you had didn’t have any major red flags, why did you end them? What made you finally say “this isn’t working” as opposed to working through it? My Response I don’t think that I ever have said that I ended my relationships, and second of all that they didn’t have red flags. I’ve had both. I’ve had relationships that had red flags that I needed to get out of, and other relationships that didn’t have red flags, we just decided, …
Ask Joy What is an ideal first date? My Response I was recently asked this question when speaking to a group of students at the College of William & Mary, and then a couple of guys have asked similar questions this week. Men, give yourself a hearty slap on the back for wanting to know what an ideal date would be for a woman, but, as I said to the guy at William & Mary, “I can’t speak for all women, but, off the top …
Ask Joy: Recently, one of you wrote in – anonymously – asking what I want in a man. My Response: I was going to pass on this Ask Joy, and then thought, I might as well capitalize on my site and use it to find a man. Boo-ya. To watch the rest of my aforementioned e-Harmony video, click HERE. Question: What is your equivalent of my beard requirement? What’s been your shallowest deal breaker?
Oh, hello! I’m just wafting the aroma of this soup I’ve been slaving over all day long. I’m so skilled at domestic chores, that my hand isn’t even burning right now as I hold this pot of soup. Welcome to my kitchen. My name is Holly. Holly Homemaker. Ask Joy: This question is from a 27 year old single male who deeply values the fact that his mom stayed home to raise him. He wants the same thing for his kids, but doesn’t want to …
Hello, and welcome to the Ask Joy fireside chat. Here we are with our blazing flames and just a few close friends. (Actually it’s just me and the camera man.) Ask Joy This question was written in response to a three part series I did on The Art of Asking Questions. This person wanted me to offer some tangible questions to actually ask. So I will do that, because that’s such a great question… My Response Question Do you have any effective question-asking tips you …
Recently I spoke at Belmont University and later that afternoon did an “Ask Joy” session with students. This is probably my favorite aspect of my job. I love hearing from you all through the site, but there’s something about seeing your face, hearing your questions, and then getting to respond to you with an answer that results in you lying on the floor in the fetal position. It’s the BEST! I heart my job and inflicting psychological damage on you all! But, seriously, there were …
Ask Joy: Can guys and girls be friends? My Response: Well, there are approximately one million ways I could answer this question, so let’s kick off a “Friends” series, shall we? Questions: Do you think there is an answer to this question? Has this been a question in your own life? How did you answer? Coming up in this series: I like Sally, she doesn’t like me. Can we be friends? Sally likes me, and I don’t like her. Can we be friends? We are …
Ask Joy I finally decided to sign up for E-Harmony. It took a lot of courage. I want to know your thoughts on online match sites. I am still very apprehensive about the whole thing. P.S. I am a teacher, and our school mascot is the unicorn. My Response Question How can you bring community into your online dating experience, and not become isolated? Didn’t catch the series that I referenced about asking questions? Start HERE
Ask Joy I have a friend who is currently dating someone who is not a Christ follower. She knows I disapprove and, because of this, I haven’t really talked to her in months because I don’t want to hear about their relationship. Am I wrong in not speaking to her? I don’t know how to be a friend without her thinking I’m OK with them dating. My Response It’s good that you are trying to figure out how to be her friend; however, not …
Ask Joy I met this guy and I have a big crush on him, but I know the Bible says that men are supposed to pursue women. So should I just give up on my crush? Should I just drop it? Who Pursues? Part 1 My Response I think that fear is at the root of why we deny our desire to pursue or be pursued. Question What has been your experience? Men: What prevents you from pursuing? Women: What motivates you to pursue?
Ask Joy I met this guy and I have a big crush on him, but I know the Bible says that men are supposed to pursue women. So should I just give up on my crush? Should I just drop it? My Response Well…scripture doesn’t say that. Question Men: Do you have a sense that women want to be pursued in our culture? Women: How do you feel about waiting to be pursued, not just in theory, but in reality? Watch Part Two
Ask Joy I don’t think it’s fair that my boyfriend at college might go home some weekends to see his family, when I can’t see mine because they live too far away. I don’t want him going home without me. What should I do? My Response If I were talking with your boyfriend, I wouldn’t tell him to break up with you…yet. Question Okay, so it’s easy to laugh at this question, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all had moments of responding with pouting …
Ask Joy How do I set good emotional boundaries, or know when and how to share things in a relationship? My Response Another video in the cemetery…shocker. And a couple of my personal stories. Question Do you sometimes question whether or not the Spirit will respond when you invite him into a situation? Is it possible that He is there, but in a way that you weren’t expecting or able to recognize? What has been your experience?
Ask Joy I’ve been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks, and last night he confided in me what he considers to be his darkest secret. It’s weird, and it freaks me out. How much would it still freak me out if this relationship were to result in marriage? My Response So I took a little “creative license” with this one…Enjoy! Question Seriously…what could it be?? I know you guys have some weird ideas in you. And on a more serious note, how …
Ask Joy I have been in a great relationship with my boyfriend for three years. I can’t picture myself with anyone but him. Recently, many of my friends have either gotten engaged, gotten married, or had babies. I feel like I am the odd woman out. I am eager to get married and continue the next stage of my life. When I discuss marriage with my boyfriend, he usually says, “Patience is a virtue,” and leaves it at that. I want to speed things up, …
Ask Joy How do you handle the “I can’t believe you’re still single!” comments from people? I think they mean well, but it’s still discouraging. My Response This statement is usually said to me at weddings. And I generally respond with, “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER! Thanks for affirming my fear that I smell like cheese and will die alone!” Then I try to give some grace as I remind myself that most people filter life through their own stories. They got married young. They …
Ask Joy How do I talk to my boyfriend about his temptations? I haven’t seen anything or experienced anything with him that makes me concerned, but I think it would be naive to assume he doesn’t struggle. I know that I do, and I guess I just want an open conversation. Maybe just be honest about my own struggles and ask him about his? Part 1: SAFETY My Response Part 2: SHOULD I? Pray. Don’t discount this instruction as “Joy is just saying this because …
Ask Joy Can you be sexual without having sex? I mean, as a single twentysomething Christian, how can one abstain from sex but still not completely shut down their sexuality? Any thoughts? Thanks! My Response Yes! We are sexual beings through and through. Our sexuality must be more than just sex, but it will look different for everyone. Abstaining should not mean denying how we were created. Once we can separate our sexuality from just sex, I think we are free to discuss this in …
Ask Joy What if you thought the guy was right and believed that God orchestrated the meeting? But he’s now walked away, after one-and-a-half years? My Response People have free will, which means we won’t always understand why they do what they do. Regarding God’s orchestration, the mystery becomes intertwined with our limited human understanding. It’s a deeper theological question of whether God dictates everything we do or whether He works in the midst of human beings and their choices, be they good or bad. People will …
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