If you are a female that shuts down [in conflict], what would be practical advice or a step to take to head towards healing? Read more
A little history on Lesley: we bonded in college over a WWII project in our Public Discourse class. Our group created an interactive experience where our peers could emotionally engage in different aspects of the war—the London bombings, Nazi gas chambers, families receiving news of soldiers killed and the atrocity of the atomic bomb. You know, light stuff like that.
Our goal was for people to “never forget” and I’m pretty sure our class never did. Read more
How important is it that we agree politically? Read more
My father wrote a book called Love and Respect, based on Ephesians 5:33, which says, “Let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Many women often ask me, “What does respect look like?” Many men say they don’t know how to articulate what respect looks like to them. From personal experience, I’ve come to realize that many of us have really unhealthy ideas of what respecting a man or needing respect looks like. Read more
When I was in college, my parents sold my childhood home (and all of my childhood dreams) when they moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan. Though it’s only an hour away from where I grew up, the news still threw me for a loop. Read more
Hey Joy!
I’m having a hard time figuring out whether the “children obey your parents” verses apply to adult children as well. My parents feel I need to obey them until I am married, but I’m pretty sure God directed those verses at children who were still being reared. What’s your opinion? And if it’s true that I don’t need to obey my parents anymore, how do I proceed to have a good relationship with my parents?
Nomo Shkar! (Hindu/Christian/Buddhist Greeting)
Here is a little bit of my story so far. Hopefully over the course of the next few days I will do justice at telling theirs… Read more
I’ve heard many questions and concerns surrounding the topic (or rather, fear) of leading someone on, or frustration at the feeling of being led on. Read more
I told my friend I think it’s easier for me to be a Christian when I’m not around my family. For whatever reason, Christmas time usually has a few episodes where I find myself verbally reacting before thinking. I get fired up over differing opinions or if I feel misunderstood.
Minutes after my immature reaction I always think, “If I would have waited 24 hours before responding, I know I would have approached the situation much differently and I would have actually been heard instead of discounted because of my immature response…a response quite similar to my 17 year-old self.” Read more
How do we (men) even know if they (women) are interested? Women never bring it up in our group of friends, so it makes it hard to tell. Read more
Last week, we started talking about the word “hierarchy.” Let’s face it, the word just sounds big and domineering, not to mention I feel like I’m dislocating my jaw when I say it out loud.
But before we completely write it off, let’s remember where we left off in Part 1: most men, I’ve discovered, have an innate sense of responsibility when it comes to protecting women. And women, instead of getting offended or discouraged, could benefit from adapting to an attitude of gratitude toward the intentions of these good men.
I just wanted to drop you a line and maybe help a few guys out. I’ve noticed an increase in the times I’ve gotten asked out, and it’s been entirely over text messaging or Facebook. Why? If a guy is lazy in the beginning of the relationship, there’s a pretty good chance there won’t be much improvement later on. So, Joy, if you could pass this out to the men out there and give them a heads up that this is NOT what girls typically like to see, it might turn on a few lightbulbs. Read more
I’ve been dating a guy that I met on a dating site for 4 months now. I recently noticed he is still active on the site and is still signing in to check it daily.
Hi, Joy!
Recently I was talking to this guy and everything was going well. We had planned a date and everything. Out of nowhere, he just disappeared and blocked me on Facebook. Can you give guys advice on that? They cannot just disappear. They have to tell the girl they are not into them. I don’t think this is even a godly reaction. He is not putting the other person’s feelings before his. Please post on Facebook because he is on the Love and Respect Now page.
—Annie
Working in a predominantly male environment, how do I not become a “mini-man” like many of my female co-workers?
-Carly
First off Carly, I want to say that you are adequate for the job, because you got the job.
Often we misinterpret others perceptions of us, based on our own insecurities.
Last week Dr. Ken Canfield wrote a piece on fathers and daughters. As I mentioned in the intro, my own father and Dr. Ken Canfield have been friends for over two decades. They support, sharpen and respect one another greatly. So when my father read Ken’s article last week, reporting the top ten questions women wanted to ask their dads, my father responded with ways he believes women could ask the questions and be more effective in communicating their hearts to the men in their life.
Formal lunch has nothing to do with lunch or with wearing a tuxedo.
Huh?
I know, I realize it’s a weird title, but it’s what I have decided to call the monthly research project.
Why?
A number of years ago, I lived in a community called, L’Abri. It was a place where you lived in intentional community, worked half the day, and studied half the day.
I met Ken when I was in the third grade. (For a photo of me circa third grade, scroll to the bottom of this page: Mothership.) My father was doing his PhD discertation on fathering and served on the board for the National Center for Fathering, which was started by Ken. Oodles of years later, Ken worked for Love and Respect doing research. When I started doing my own research, Ken was my mentor, advocate and encourager. Read more
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, I will be featuring people who I have asked to create something around illumination. I hope that through their pieces, you might have light-bulb moments of your own. Let’s begin… Todd is my neighbor and fellow bike rider. In fact, we went on a ride one day, and I asked him to pick the route after saying, “Don’t pick a ride that is going to make my legs too tired. I’m speaking tomorrow and don’t want my legs to …
It’s ironic that I have been sitting outside (yes, Portland finally hired the sun to make a late-spring appearance) writing about asking good questions and up skips “Charlotte” with her baby doll. When I asked if it was an infant, she said, “No, it’s a doll.” I like your logic, Charlotte. Charlotte is four, and during the time her mother was changing her little brother’s “poopie,” I learned a number of things about Charlotte. She’s “Four.” She’s “Just playing.” Her brother’s birthday is in June. …
Ask Joy I have a crush on my friend, but since we’ve been friends for so long, I don’t know how to say that my feelings have changed. I don’t want to ruin the friendship, so what should I do? My Response The “Ask Joy” above is a shortened version of many similar questions I have received. Men and women all at one point or another seem to find themselves with a friend who was always “just a friend”—who now suddenly looks a little different. …
Ask Joy I want to build a solid foundation of a relationship, but I don’t want to overwhelm a man with my emotions. My Response I first want to say that I don’t like that women get a rap for being overly emotional. I think both men and women were designed with strong feelings and sensitivities and emotions. But where we can see general differences is oftentimes in how women process their emotions, and how men process their emotions… Questions Have you ever experienced your …
Hello, friends, earthlings, sons, and daughters, I know it’s human nature to want to know how to do something. Many of you often ask, “How do I show respect?” Or, “What does showing love practically look like?” While I often try to stay away from formulas and “Bill Nye the Science Guy” how-tos, I know it’s helpful from time to time to get ideas from other people, such as when I explained how a daughter could write a respect letter to a father. You don’t …
Ask Joy Hey, Joy! So I am a strong and outgoing woman. I am not a shy person at all! When it comes to the relationship area, people are very inquisitive, and they all have opinions as soon as they find out I’m single. I have many friends who bemoan the fact that they are single and will jump at any chance to flirt. I think something might be wrong with me. All I do is make jokes about never getting married and say things …
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