Joy,
I’ve got a bit of a situation—I’ve gone out on several dates with someone, but I’m essentially just not attracted to them for a few reasons. How do I tell them nicely? Especially when they are so into me? Do people want to hear the truth? I am not sure I know how to let this person down gracefully AND to the point that they understand it is a no-go.
—Beth
Welcome to 2014!
14 is my favorite number so I’m thinking there’s gonna be a lot of…I don’t know what, but I’m just happy about 14 representing.
I want to be a generous person.
As I think about how to be generous with my time, finances and love, I know that usually the best way is what is taught in Matthew 6—giving privately.
Easier said than done.
Hey friendlings,
We’ve finally come to the finish line of the What I Know Now series, a collection of little videos I made with my parents in celebration of The Illumination Project launch. My mom and pop have been sharing some nuggets of wisdom they’ve learned from different stages of their lives.
In case you’re just joining us, we’re in the last leg of the What I Know Now series.
As The Illumination Project (a 6-week study) was released this month, one of the main points I try to drive home is for all of us to seek wise counsel. So this series is another example of doing that—I ask my parents to share what they would tell themselves at different life stages. We’ve heard some great stories from when they were single and when they were newlyweds and now…
…when they became my parents. (AKA, the best years of their lives)
In case you’re just tuning in, we’re smack dab in the middle of the What I Know Now series. My hope for all these parental interviews is to highlight the importance of asking questions and seeking counsel—we have so much to learn from those who’ve gone before us.
Think of it as an echo of The Illumination Project song, an opening band to the main show, a slice of apple pie before the main course.
Friendlings, if you’ve been around the site for the past week, you should know two things:
1. The Illumination Project has launched! My baby, born!
2. We are smack dab in the middle of the What I Know Now series, starring none other than my wonderful (and often hilarious) parentals.
In light of one of the themes behind The Illumination Project—the importance of seeking counsel—I’ve brought in the ‘rents to talk all things wisdom.
They are, after all, older and wiser.
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some interviews I did with my mom and pop about what they would tell themselves at different stages of their lives—as singles, as newlyweds, as new parents.
Did you hear the good news?! The Illumination Project has officially launched! Don’t know what I’m talking about?! You may be living under a rock!
Lucky for you, the party is just getting started and even rock-dwellers are welcome.
Lately my siblings and I have really been feeling neglected and unloved by our parents. When we’ve asked other people whether or not to confront them about it, everyone has said, “No. You have to honor your parents.”
Can you confront your parents? Read more
I’m writing on behalf of my sister. She’s been in a serious relationship for about a year, but she’s paralyzed by the fear of getting married as a result of growing up in a divorced home. What can I say to my sister to calm her down and help her overcome her anxiety?
I just started dating this wonderful woman—I really care about her, and love the heart she has for having a family someday. Problem is, we just started dating, and because I have to travel a lot for my career, I just left the country for a couple of months.
Hi Joy,
I’ve recently gotten married. I love being married, but now my single friends are leaving me out. My best friend, for example, no longer calls when she goes camping or to a concert.
I know I can’t go out as much as my “free-wheeling” single friends, as I’m balancing school and my husband, but I don’t want to feel like there’s this divide growing between us.
Hey Joy,
I recently met someone. Bummer is, one of us is moving twenty hours away. We have had several discussions about giving this a chance or not.
We are taking that chance!
I wish you could all hang out with my friend, Katie. She’s one of those people who makes you laugh—most of the time without intentionally trying.
I would also like you to meet Katie because she could essentially be called the co-founder of Love and Respect Now.
Wise words today from my friend, Guy Chmieleski. Growing up, I wonder if when he would hear people say, “You guys!” he would turn around and think everyone else in the crowd had his name?
Did I just make a dad joke?
Fellow Portlander Emily is comin’ at you live today with two things we couldn’t agree on more:
1. Our need to launch our rap careers
2. Assuming the best (ATB)
What I call “ATB” Emily calls “No Negative Generalizations,” and my parents call it “Assume Goodwill.” And eventually, I will just come on stage and start all my raps with “Yo, let’s ATB all up in heeeeeaaa!”
Hi Joy,
Most of the time, I hear “respect” talked about as if it’s primarily a man’s thing. But, respect is really important to me, as a woman–I know this because of the inner temper-tantrum I feel whenever I feel disrespected. I don’t just mean respect in a sexual sense (in fact, that’s the least of my worries). I crave respect as an adult, as a professional and as a Christian. Read more
Hi Joy,
I watched your video about leading people on. At first I thought, “Oh! I am free and clear. I never lead anyone on…ever. They just take my friendliness out of context.” Then I realized my behavior hasn’t been just friendly. I have been the textbook definition of a tease and now I don’t know what to do. So my question is: how do you dig yourself out once you’ve led someone on?
Hi Joy,
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Just give it a chance,” about dating people who you’re not interested in. Friends and family say it to me all the time. On more than one occasion, I’ve taken their advice…and it usually ends with me firing these friends from their self-appointed job as matchmaker. Can you help me come up with a snappy comeback for the next time someone tells me this?
During the filming of The Illumination Project, I asked my father why in the world he would compare women as pink to men as blue in his book, Love and Respect. From my politically correct perspective, those colors felt stereotypical and were a distraction from the overall message of the book. However, when you watch the video series, you will hear how he changed my mind and learn why I am on board with this analogy now.
Like my parents also say on this subject, “You’re not wrong–just different.” Read more
I had a fight with my husband tonight and I’m at a total loss for knowing what to do now. Essentially, what happened was this…He’s much better with computers than I am so I asked him for help with an issue I was having with ours. After giving me his advice, I asked him if he was sure and then continued with more clarifying questions. He got really annoyed and shot back, “It’s simple enough for a 3rd grader to do.” So, then I shot back with some remarks, including a parallel to the way his father is–which didn’t go over so well. In the end, he said, “You’re always right. I’m always wrong,” and then he just shut down. This always happens when we argue. So, what do I do? Read more
Joy,
I have an Ask Joy question for you. Can you do a blog post about guys that actually step up and clearly ask girls out (via the phone), pick them up, open the car door, pay for everything, drop them off, walk them to the door, call a few days later to go on a second date….and then the girls tell their friends they aren’t sure if it was a date or not? We have a spreading disease in my city. Read more
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 3 months. He says he’s committed to me, but he won’t say he loves me, even though he wants to. He was in a previous relationship for 6 years so I understand he wants to be cautious and take it slow. But, c’mon…if he says he wants to say it but doesn’t say it, doesn’t that mean he doesn’t love me? Read more
Hi, Joy!
My girlfriend and I have been in each other’s lives for four years. We dated my senior year in high school, dated for two years, and then broke up. Later, after we broke up, she became a follower of Christ and being agnostic myself was interested in her faith. I started going to church with her and after a couple months I accepted Christ too. After awhile we started dating again and it’s been almost a year.
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