Josh was giving a lecture at the American Association of Christian Counselors, and I was sitting in the back with his wife, Christie, whom I had just met moments earlier. I remember she had on a really pretty turquoise necklace, and I wanted it. But I regained focus and continued to listen to Josh talk about his new book, God Attachment.
Post-lecture, the three of us had only a few moments together, but I can safely say we became friends. Read more
I’ve been dating a guy that I met on a dating site for 4 months now. I recently noticed he is still active on the site and is still signing in to check it daily.
Hi, Joy!
If guys send you mixed signals, how do you ignore them and not read into them? Ooh, please publish a book soon! Make sure that the UK can get copies, too.
Cheers, babe.
Hey Friends, I am excited and honored to speak at Catalyst Atlanta in October. They have a set of interview questions for all of their speakers and I thought I would share them with you as a break from “relationship-talk” and let you in on wisdom I’ve learned from my dad and some of the other things I think about…like Hitler. 1. Who is someone that inspires you today to be a better leader? Hitler. Waaa? Yes. I don’t say that for shock value, but he …
Alece was the first person I became friends with on Twitter who I then actually met in person. So far it’s the closest thing I have experienced to online dating, and I was so nervous that I brought my friend Lindsay with me. Just to make sure that Alece wasn’t a serial killer.
Turns out, she wasn’t. Read more
So I have this friend Billy who does not believe in dating. He says there are no examples in the bible to give us grounds for modern dating, therefore what’s the point?
-Nate
Oh Billy, there are also no examples of eating ice cream in the bible, so what’s the point of going to Dairy Queen?
But seriously… Read more
Hi, Joy!
Recently I was talking to this guy and everything was going well. We had planned a date and everything. Out of nowhere, he just disappeared and blocked me on Facebook. Can you give guys advice on that? They cannot just disappear. They have to tell the girl they are not into them. I don’t think this is even a godly reaction. He is not putting the other person’s feelings before his. Please post on Facebook because he is on the Love and Respect Now page.
—Annie
I have been talking to a guy from a dating website for about two months, and we decided we are going to finally meet. We are a few hours away from each other. Should I be helping him pay for his expenses? Gas and hotel? Or should I expect him to pay for it and put forth some effort? He appreciates if we can share the cost.
—Fiora Read more
Last week Dr. Ken Canfield wrote a piece on fathers and daughters. As I mentioned in the intro, my own father and Dr. Ken Canfield have been friends for over two decades. They support, sharpen and respect one another greatly. So when my father read Ken’s article last week, reporting the top ten questions women wanted to ask their dads, my father responded with ways he believes women could ask the questions and be more effective in communicating their hearts to the men in their life.
Formal lunch has nothing to do with lunch or with wearing a tuxedo.
Huh?
I know, I realize it’s a weird title, but it’s what I have decided to call the monthly research project.
Why?
A number of years ago, I lived in a community called, L’Abri. It was a place where you lived in intentional community, worked half the day, and studied half the day.
I met Ken when I was in the third grade. (For a photo of me circa third grade, scroll to the bottom of this page: Mothership.) My father was doing his PhD discertation on fathering and served on the board for the National Center for Fathering, which was started by Ken. Oodles of years later, Ken worked for Love and Respect doing research. When I started doing my own research, Ken was my mentor, advocate and encourager. Read more
I think I learned a lesson from The Bachelorette. Yes, I hate to admit that, but I think I did. Don’t get me wrong. I think the show is ludicrous, and it often makes me want to dry heave. (See this post from two years ago to get my exact sentiments on The Bachelor.) I’ve always seen the last few episodes of each season with friends who are engrossed in the show, which I lovingly refer to as “The Case for Polygamy.” They get annoyed with my …
Hello friendlings, Are you aware that it’s wedding season? I have a challenge for those of us attending weddings, and for those who are getting married this year. The Question: Why do you attend weddings? Is it because it’s the one place you can go and dance the YMCA and not be judged? Or is it the Chocolate fountain? (How can you not admire the chocolate fountain?) The challenge to myself and the other attendees this season is to be more committed to our friends who …
If you combined the articulation and factual knowledge of a news anchor, the sarcasm and one-liners of your old crotchety neighbor, and the sass of a thirteen year old female into one, you would get my friend Anna. And that was just my first impression of her when we met at age 18. She got up in front of our freshman leadership class and gave a presentation with no trace of nerves, or reserve, for that matter. I was like, “who is this girl?! I like her.”
Years later she’s still bringing her knowledge and sass to the world and to the web.
Please welcome, my friend Anna, to the Illumination Project.
So yeah, there’s this girl I know. She’s amazing, but whenever I think about asking her out, I start to think that she’s too good for me.
So my question for you is, can someone be too good for somebody else?
-Matt Read more
Ask Joy: Hi, Joy, What is your opinion on cross-cultural relationships? —Derek My Response: Hey, Derek, Good question. My opinion on cross-cultural relationships is that they will pose unique obstacles that will cause the couple to ask many questions, one being, “Is it worth it?” You might be able to figure out if it’s worth it by asking the more specific question: “Do we want to understand both cultures to possibly create a home life someday that would embody traditions and characteristics that each of …
Ask Joy: Today’s question actually comes from a guy named Paul, who I like to call “Sweet Paul.” Paul wrote and said, “Hey, Joy, if you’re such an expert on relationships and marriage, why is it that you’re still not married?” My Response: I want to be open and honest with everyone about why I’m not married. I don’t mean to blame my brother, Jonathan, but it is his fault… Questions How do you respond internally to the question of why you are still single? …
It’s ironic that I have been sitting outside (yes, Portland finally hired the sun to make a late-spring appearance) writing about asking good questions and up skips “Charlotte” with her baby doll. When I asked if it was an infant, she said, “No, it’s a doll.” I like your logic, Charlotte. Charlotte is four, and during the time her mother was changing her little brother’s “poopie,” I learned a number of things about Charlotte. She’s “Four.” She’s “Just playing.” Her brother’s birthday is in June. …
Ask Joy I have a crush on my friend, but since we’ve been friends for so long, I don’t know how to say that my feelings have changed. I don’t want to ruin the friendship, so what should I do? My Response The “Ask Joy” above is a shortened version of many similar questions I have received. Men and women all at one point or another seem to find themselves with a friend who was always “just a friend”—who now suddenly looks a little different. …
Ask Joy I want to build a solid foundation of a relationship, but I don’t want to overwhelm a man with my emotions. My Response I first want to say that I don’t like that women get a rap for being overly emotional. I think both men and women were designed with strong feelings and sensitivities and emotions. But where we can see general differences is oftentimes in how women process their emotions, and how men process their emotions… Questions Have you ever experienced your …
Hello, friends, earthlings, sons, and daughters, I know it’s human nature to want to know how to do something. Many of you often ask, “How do I show respect?” Or, “What does showing love practically look like?” While I often try to stay away from formulas and “Bill Nye the Science Guy” how-tos, I know it’s helpful from time to time to get ideas from other people, such as when I explained how a daughter could write a respect letter to a father. You don’t …
Ask Joy Hey, Joy! So I am a strong and outgoing woman. I am not a shy person at all! When it comes to the relationship area, people are very inquisitive, and they all have opinions as soon as they find out I’m single. I have many friends who bemoan the fact that they are single and will jump at any chance to flirt. I think something might be wrong with me. All I do is make jokes about never getting married and say things …
Ask Joy I just got finished watching your “The One” series. I am currently in a relationship with an amazing man who loves the Lord and who loves me in good times and in bad. His love is so deep it’s almost crazy. I feel like I love him but not to the depth that he loves me. It makes me very anxious. I don’t want to marry someone I don’t love enough, but I also don’t want to lose this love. I’m on board …
Ask Joy I often hear people ask why so many men still play video games? My Response Let me tell you why people play video games. They’re fun. Questions Maybe it’s not video games, but do you have somewhere you go to find a win? Do you have something you do to “unwind” that’s shifting into a wound-hiding-habit? How can we know when an activity is actually a distraction for dealing with our broken reality?
Ask Joy: Recently, I was hanging out with a group of friends and having a great time when a guy we didn’t know came up to us and joined the conversation. I talked with him for a while and then drifted into other conversation. A good friend of mine who was there introduced herself but didn’t speak another word to him. The next day he asked her out. I don’t tell this story in an effort to throw myself a pity party, but I do …
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